As I type this, I have my black kitten on my chest, actually in front of my face, my Siamese kitten next to my computer, and our little temporary foster baby (who is only 6 weeks old) trying to eat the strings of my hoodie.
I shouldn’t be sad with these three. They make me smile and laugh all the time… but I am. Maybe there is more truth to what my therapist says that I am willing to admit. Maybe I am spiraling again… maybe I am depressed. I hate being depressed.
I’ve started making lists… not about things I need to do, although I do make those a lot… more about trying to explain why I feel like I fail as a human, or what it is about Jay that makes me feel so awful about myself. I hate to think there is truth to a passing statement that maybe we are bad for each other… I have no idea what I’d do without him… I am fairly certain I’d end up homeless. Not just that, but it would seriously fuck with my psyche, and it would end badly.
I don’t want to think about that right now.
Instead… I’m going to think of the baby that’s now falling asleep on my hand while I type… she’s hilarious, and so small. Half the size of Shadow, maybe less… her sisters have already been adopted, but she was being picked on by her cagemates (who also had ringworm, another reason to have not left here there), so we brought her back until they are picked up (which will be today, actually)… I’ll be sad to see her go back up there, but with her being so cute and spunky, I doubt she’ll last but a couple days.
I guess I need to get up and go to work… however Tiny Butt is attacking the boys’ tails… somehow, they are both perched on my shoulder… I’ll have to get some pictures off my phone and post them here…
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