It's hard sitting in my place when I'm not working. I feel so alone. There's been so many deaths lately, literally and figuratively. Incredibly introverted with anxiety and PTSD makes life incredibly difficult at the moment. I want to reach out more but am terrified doing so. I have no one to talk to anymore.
What do you do when everyone dies or leaves within a month of each other?
Where do you turn? How do you cope? What emotions do you feel first? Is it even okay to feel emotions? I let them out and it's a violent burst of intensity that I can't control and the impulses are very dark. I barely have control in those moments. When I try to let it out slowly, I just cry all day and that's not good for functioning at work.
I feel so lost. I feel so alone. I feel so incredibly sad and angry. (And a million other emotions that I'm convinced we don't have in the English language.) I am not communicating well the depth and complexity of my emotions. This pain feels like it's ripped my soul in half and everything is falling out of me. I have no way to stop it.
I am powerless.
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