to the tune of NIGHT MOVES in song parodies

I was a little too fat
couldn’t fit in plate mail
too clumsy for a mace on a flail
it was like a LARP in front of tourists’ eyes
and it all was enhanced by getting high
getting really high

joust past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
joust on the saddle of our friend’s horse Nevin
home-made mead as our only booze
workin’ on our knight moves
listenin’ to the town crier scream the news
workin’ on our knight moves
in the summertime
on the weekends in the summertime

we weren’t full-time, oh no, far from it
we just did it for ten weekends in the summer
we were just young and restless and bored
swingin’ wooden swords
and we’d steal away every chance we could
for some chainmail, turkey legs or some leather goods
entrance fees, swarms of bees
but we never cared
we lived at that fair
workin’ on our knight moves
pretendin’ that we were battling grues
workin’ on our knight moves
and it was summertime

and oh the wonder
we saw the jousting
and we heard the hooves like thunder
heard the hooves like thunder

I woke last night to the sound of minstrels
made me just a little wistful
started humming a song from 1462
ain’t it funny how my knight moves
over the years never seemed to improve
I forget all the knight moves
when the ren faire closes up