FUCK THIS. in In My World

So, Here’s the thing. Over the summer I had to appeal to get my financial aid back this semester. I was told that withdrawing is just as bad as failing. That’s bullshit. I don’t even understand how the two could be compared.

Let me back track really quick. I’m failing my history class. Bad. I’m working hard at it but I’m still not doing all that well. If I get lower than a c, no financial aid next year. If I withdraw from the class (today is the last day I can do that) I get no financial aid next semester. I don’t know what the fuck to do. Either way I do this I don’t get to go to school next semester. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Either way I don’t get to go to school next semester. I’m exactly where I was 5 semesters ago when I started....Nowhere. I have gone no where. I haven’t completed a program, I don’t have a degree, I don’t have any kind of certificate. How am I supposed to bounce back from this? Other colleges don’t even look at classes you’ve withdrawn from, only the ones you’ve passed/failed. HOW IS THIS FUCKING FAIR? Why would they give you the option of withdrawing at all if it’s “just as bad as failing”?

I’m so stressed out that I can’t breathe. It makes me angry and sad and just a whirlwind of other emotions. I am away from everyone because I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t really feel like I should be around people today. I can’t breathe. I’m jumpy and I think my flight or fight instincts are in overdrive. Everything is moving and shaking and I don’t know how to calm down. I guess the best way is to isolate myself for now. I don’t want to deal with fake friends who don’t really care how I am, anyway. If anyone really wants to know they’ll come find me.

I’m going to try to find something that makes today suck a little less....or maybe somewhere to take a nap. I might be back later.