Third Wednesday of Great Lent (Day 24) in Reiwa 6

In the 6th year of the Reiwa Emperor.
Regarding the events of Wednesday March 28th (Julian Calendar)

I woke up early, so I figured it was a good idea to go to the main clinic to stock up on meds for the month. I also planned to hit up the tax office just a bit over. This was, sadly, impossible. The clinic took an incredibly long time. Finally, I rushed home to get work going, but I broke off my key turning it in the lock. Thankfully, thankfully, it broke off outside of the lock, so I was able to pull out the broken piece. I was then able to get ahold of Older Brother, and we took his spare key and went to the local locksmith. We got a new copy for him, I took his old key, and back into my house I went.

I puttered about finishing up extra work on my various projects, and wasting a bit of time I’m sure, and went into the office at around 2. I chatted with the bosses, got some plans going, and printed.

In the afternoon/evening, I had my classes. Lower elementary went well, especially for the rather lacking and easy material. Upper elementary was . . . rough. New students. Who are all quiet. Who don’t have a vibe yet. All mixed together into my new, big, group. On top of a pretty lackluster unit. It wasn’t great.

Got 2 bags of honey roasted nuts (from now on, regular nuts, I believe) and went to the cafe, grabbed dinner, and went home.

I struggled to sleep last night. Feeling a bit nostalgic (day before my birthday) and I was thinking a lot about creeping closer to 40. Thinking about the old days. Missing Kat. Trying to train an AI to replicate a charming person from your childhood is more depressing than fun. You can’t top the original. Reflecting, after that last poem, on memory and how it fades/is fading.

I live a strange life. The people I am special for are not necessarily the people who are special for me, and vice versa. I wish that I had more alignment here, but I don’t.

Back is still not in good shape, and I’m going stir crazy. Even though I’m barely sleeping, I have energy (at least sometimes. When I don’t, I don’t). So I’m a ball of nerves. I want a saxophone so badly. It’d be something at least vaguely physical and expressive that I could do.

I really think I’d like to write again. But . . . I really don’t have a lot of strong feelings about things anymore. And when I do, it tends to be for poetry. Still, this process of forcing myself to write sonnets is helping on a small, local, level. I am learning to think in terms of couplets or quatrains as poetic building blocks as opposed to just random various lines. That was one of the goals. Hopefully, I can develop this further and do more.

Summer (from China) wants me to start a pronunciation business to make some USD. I’m inclined to agree with her, so I’ll do what I can in the near future. This will require much better time management. I’m still not great at time management, but I’m getting better. Let’s pray my health holds out.

A loop around the prayer rope isn’t deep
with only repetitions in your head
if all you’re after is a bit of sleep
so you’re excused a bit of time in bed

To know the creed and all the prayers is fine
If knowing them is all you really can
But this is not what we would call divine
it barely counts as efforts of man

But if your best still reeks of failure’s stench
It is your fate that this much must be braved
to fall another yard towards that trench
and hoping thus that you may yet be saved

If nothing that you do is ever right
then fail a little closer towards the light

Lightbulb circling moths
bump and burn their precious heads
‘till they find the moon