What I learned over Lent in Reiwa 6

Well, obviously the Lent project was a bust. The poems didn’t all work out, I ended everything a day early to have dinner/drinks with Pontius when he came to town, and I messed up more than a few times. So, what did I learn?

It gets easier.

Lent this year wasn’t a huge success, but man, was it better than previously. In terms of my health, in terms of me dealing with things, it was pretty darned good. Still not anywhere close to where I needed it to be, but much better than it was.

High expectations are better than low.

I tried to do the hardest fast, and I failed, but I got farther than I expected to. I tried to write every day. I failed. But I got more done that I’ve gotten done in years. I tried to make my reading goals every night. And I failed. But I did better than I had in a long time. Same with prayer. Same with reflection.

Politics are bad for you.

Much as with a few years ago, I unsubscribed from a bunch of political channels, and . . . I felt better. Eventually. I was anxious a lot at first between FOMO and not having a constant source of easy entertainment. But, man, I do not get a lot of benefit from all the time that I put in to that mess.

ASMR is . . . getting worse.

ASMR has become a whole lot more THOT driven and a whole lot less wholesome. It’s the kind of thing that I was aware of, but as I tried to do more quiet reflection etc., I was really blown away by the thottery of it all. I unfollowed a lot, but I found myself struggling with lust a lot more this year than in previous years, and I think it’s because I let ASMR get too much of a stranglehold on me. And all of its assorted thottery. It’s less good, and it’s less good for me. It’s a weakness and a problem that I need to be aware of. It’s sad, because it’s something that I’ve really come to love and to appreciate, but looking at it objectively . . . I need to find a better use of my time and a better thing to fill the gap.

Writing is exercise.

The more you write, the easier writing gets. The easier it is to organize your thoughts. The easier it is to process things. I think that I just realized this (or re-realized this) for the first time recently. I’ve often tried to keep a diary, but I don’t think that I ever really got why. Personal communication, peer pressure, desire to get validation, evidence to prove I was right, and all the rest. I think that I realized during this process (as I recently realized about the arts in general) that forcing yourself to re-live something, and then processing that into a narrative or extrapolating from that, or doing something with it allows you to really internalize AND intellectualize what happened. These are also two different processes, something I’m becoming more and more aware of. This is probably an obvious thing for anybody of sense, but for me, a man of no sense, this is profound.

道 not 教.
Religion is something you do, not something you learn. It’s something active, not something passive. Belief isn’t an intellectual proposition, it’s active decision. I understand how it is that so many cults are religious groups get involved in martial arts and what not. Religious training is similar. Granted, I’m not good at either, but it’s good to know.

On that note, while I want to write more, I’m about at the end of my mental endurance.

Last updated 3 days ago