April 1 in Old

30 years ago, I got married. A little less than four years after that, I got divorced. It’s all the story I told so many times I’m tired of hearing myself think it, but the basic is I was fooled into marrying a foreign citizen and believed she loved me and I thought I loved her, but apparently neither of us loved each other. I was desperate down and very weak after a series of bad relationships. She needed a green card and a better country for her son. She got it all and then cheated on me and tried to say it was because I did not want a child with her was total bullshit because you just don’t go around cheating on somebody because of that. You talk it out of which she did not do. I try not to remember the marriage. If anything I try to remember the woman I should’ve married. Fortunately, that other woman found a very good man and live happily ever after. My ex-wife ruined my relationship with my father due to some money she owed him, but never paid back. After the marriage, I tried to be a nice guy as a friend because I am such a friendly son of a bitch. Good heart Scott. I was having the only nosebleed I had ever had a couple months after we separated, and I called my ex-wife asking if she knew how to deal with it because there seem to be a constant stream of blood flowing from my face. She was in bed with her new husband when I called and she called the police and told them that her ex-husband was being beaten up in his house. Yes, it was a lie. I think that’s against the law too to lie to the police. Someone at the police station called me and told me squad car was on the way over and along with bleeding a lot. I panicked. How awful to be bloody faced and meeting cops who had no idea what was going on. The cops came and all was OK. They were very nice to my dog. My dog ran up to the cops very friendly, and they were very nervous with hands on guns, and I was yelling and begging that the dog was just friendly. They took A look around my house made sure my ex-wife was full of shit and that I was just having a nosebleed and they tried to help me with it. I got it fixed the next day. Although I just dragged up that memory of that event, you see, I don’t wanna think about it and I’m glad I got divorced. She put on a very good act for a few years then I saw her true self. But fuck it don’t be bitter, life goes on and it did. But I think anyone in that situation would wonder what life could’ve been like. My ex-wife probably would’ve looked like her mother 30 years later. How horrible!

Today was my big get out of the house day. It always amazes me that my female bird max knows I’m going to leave for a few hours. She sucks up and clings to me and I tell her it’s OK baby. I’ll try to find some treats for you and buddy the male bird. I was at the end of my driveway, walking to get my mail when my neighbor from next-door stopped as she was driving her truck and talked to me for a while. I was my usual pleasant, joking self and she was her usual complaining about everything and exude a very depressing vibe. She would say something negative about life and I would smile and I would counter it with something positive in the same vein. I had to go. I told her I had to get my mail for the week. But I always wonder about people that are always so negative. I think I was one of such people long ago and it shows me how much I’ve changed over the decades. If you want to change, you can. I did and that is a good feeling.

I got my mail and then put the birds in the cage drove up the road to go shopping at two shops. On the way to the grocery store, I stopped at a big shopping center where there is a pharmacy that had a prescription ready for me. It was amusing to me that I tried to go in automatic doors, and I almost smashed my face because they did not open. I tried prying them apart and talking to them, but it did not work. I finally just decided to go in through the out door. I saw a woman sitting and waiting and I gave her a cherry hello and it was wonderful to see her smile back. I had fun talking to the girl that was getting my prescription. I think she remembered me because I’ve heard they talk of me because I am one of the nicer customers. They remembered me being in last week for another Covid booster for the old bastards. I felt like an alien as I walked out of the store, wishing people a good morning, and it was enjoyable to see them rows from themselves and try to smile and return my greeting. I saw a handicapped woman in some kind of wheeled thing that I think the store provides, and I asked her if I could help her and she was so surprised. I opened her car door and that was enough for her. I can be so damn selfish because it made me feel good. I downplayed it and told the lady I do it for anybody.

I bought perhaps eight items at Aldi and had a cheerful talk with one of the workers and automatically helped her a little bit with a box. It always makes me laugh when I do that because it just comes naturally to help another human being and that just feels good. It brings people closer. I enjoy seeing strangers, eyeing them for a moment, gauging them if I can get away with some contact and then smile and greet them. Some people they just want to be left alone so I do that. Others I take a chance.

I did my usual drive across the road to Kroger to buy kale and see if they had my favorite ice cream on sale. As I wandered through the store, I exchanged greetings with a few strangers shared some laughs. It’s fun to me initiating that kind of contact. I got my kale and it’s funny how I felt mild excitement about it. Oh wow, I have kale now wow. Then I saw the holy Grail, the ice cream glowing from afar. I used to have panic attacks about looking at something and wanting it so badly this time I said fuck it. I got a gallon and a half because it was on sale. I could hear the God of my youth thundering at me about how sinful I was and I told it nodding. Yes I certainly am but dammit I’m going to enjoy this.

I put a small sticker on my car supporting Ukraine, and a little bit of paranoia came to me maybe some American Russian supporting son of a bitch will try to pick a fight with me because of it. Go ahead kick my ass. I’ve lost the fight as soon as I’m confronted anybody can beat my ass. I feel good about the sticker. Glory to Ukraine, glory to the heroes!

I wonder at times if my being so nice to people is a form of insanity. Because so many people are not very kind people are honest. I asked a therapist and my primary care physician about this in the past and they said no please continue being that way. It’s a good thing. I believe my ideal self or my real self came out fully after the factory closed and I didn’t have to kiss ass anymore and be acting. No more ass, kissing whipped dog. It’s OK for me to sound eccentric and what some people might say sounds crazy. Is being friendly and humorous is a form of insanity, then I embrace it. Add to that people seeing me as being old I feel I am forgiven for being so open and cheerful at times. My true self has come out in the past few years. I’ve learned to care so much about other people, but at the same time, respect their space and let them be without trying to change them. It feels good to listen to other people. To let them know that even a stranger can care about them.