So it’s been 2 days now. I’ve put on patches both days to help with the withdraw. I’m doing alright. I still miss it and my emotions aren’t stable. I’m definitely having moments where I feel like I’m going to lose it. For everyone worried about my smoking, I’ve never smoked around my kid. I didn’t smoke inside my house or my vehicle. My child has NEVER been around it and I will keep it that way. I also didn’t smoke inside because I knew it would be easier to quit.
I’ve also decided that if people don’t have anything constructive to say, I will block you without warning. This is my safe place to write and will not allow negative shit. I don’t mind if you are trying to offer help or constructive criticism by any means but if you are just being out and out mean and almost abusive, I don’t have to put up with it and I won’t. I’m not the one.
Anyways, work was almost tolerable last night until 2 girls that work in the group my daughter is in were telling me how my daughter always wants to be with me and blah blah blah and I mention how she doesn’t have a Dad where both of them quickly piped up about they didn’t have a Dad or a Mom. Okay, well my daughter is 6 too. Then a couple co-workers get into a heated thing because one is always doing the cleaning and now there’s going to be a cleaning schedule. I seriously have to get out of there.
I also take everything with a grain of sand because I haven’t smoked and I can’t regulate my emotions right now. It probably wasn’t that big of a deal but it’s still the fact that I don’t make a lot of money and I still want to set my sights higher than this too. I’ve always been used to making an actual living and this is a better fit for young people who don’t have adult bills yet.
I honestly wish that he’d start paying some fucking CS. If he did, I’d have the means to pay someone to take care of my child so I could get a better job. I am so fucking sick of being stuck that I could fucking scream. I just worry that someday I’m going to lose what’s left of my sanity. I just want to understand how someone just keeps getting away with this shit. It’s been 7 months with no payment yet again. I’m tired of every decision I make is based off him not being a parent and not paying.
I know that it won’t be like this forever and I just gotta get through it for now but I’m gonna go through it for a lot longer than what’s even reasonable. I have years before my daughter can be home alone. This thing where no one helps me is really awful. I wish that people would even call and talk to her sometimes.