Tune Up in Current Events

Hi Tom, you big bloated bitch on Prosebox, how are ya?

I need to tune in. I need to stop and reflect. I’ve been numbed out. Talk about ghosting, I feel like I am a phantom. Just sleepwalking through it all. I was ambitious at the beginning of the month. I relapsed on some of my goals. Porn. It was porn. It is always porn. I think I need an actual rehab, doing things my way is not working. It was 3 weeks of NoFap! Almost. That is a record. Of all the things I quit, this one seems to be the bane of my existence. During those three weeks, my brain was just different. I want to capture that and make it my default setting.

The way I used to feel before I painted something is what I have been feeling. I want to stop and really think about what changes I want to make. Think about the opportunities that I have when I drop to part-time in two weeks. I’ll have time for my side quests. I’m nervous about it but I’m looking forward to it at the same time. This is going to be a hectic year. I start my last semester next week. Two courses, physics and chemistry. I’ll be applying for university soon enough. Then I get to try and get funding and all that jizz. If I got to stay at home with mommy and daddy while I go to school, that would be great but that is not in the cards for me.

This is one of those things that I am procrastinating. Sitting down and coming up with a plan. Setting goals. Writing endless lists. Am I even a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon in a Virgo 6H? (The unholy trinity if signs right there.) The Astrological Forecast for myself is on point. I am indeed thinking of new ways to earn income. Use my creativity to make income. Grow myself spiritually. Boring things like that. I’m not young and supple enough for OnlyFans, shoot.

Speaking of boring things, I went for a walk with Alex and Bruce the other day. I was just explaining to them the definition of psychosis. It’s when a person struggles to relate to reality. I was talking about the Christians I sometimes polarize with on social media. How disturbing it was that a 17-year-old child was trying to convince me that he had permission to murder homosexuals. These people think they have dominion over the lives of others. Just as I was telling them this story, a young white man interrupted us POCs to let us know that the only way to happiness is to accept Jesus Christ as our saviour. Now, we are respectful people so we listened to what he had to say. It took a lot of courage for him to approach three strangers to share something he is passionate about. I thanked him but… speak of the devil.

Speaking of devils, I was looking forward to discussing what happened to that woman at the hotel in my city. The police and news told us that she was a drunk native wielding a knife. The footage that went viral on TikTok said otherwise. Clearly she was a woman in distress. I mentioned it in a previous entry. I can’t shake this off, it must have brought up my own trauma. Alex works with families of missing and murdered persons. Indigenous families. She used to work for a non-profit that helped get them to the city. Mostly they came for healthcare. They were set up in the worst hotels in the worst areas and were very vulnerable and when she tried to change that, her boss shut her down and wouldn’t even let her discuss it. She quit. I can’t unsee the faces of the men that were detaining her. They weren’t security, they weren’t police. One of them came up from the basement zipping up his pants. They didn’t have the right to ziptie her hands behind her back and then block the doors.

Anyway, I am trying to avoid napping so that I can work on my sleep schedule. I might end up at the gym again. I want to go to the public swimming pool to swim laps as cardio… I just might. I want to see if I like it. I want to test my shoulder out. It has been doing good since I started the right stretches.