better in just testing

The weekend went better than my entry from before.

So me & Teach didn't go to the paint-your-own ceramics place but we did go to a food truck festival in south Jersey. It was pretty cool but also windy which made it colder than normal. I got a tofu & friend rice with a wasabi sauce meal from a food truck. Teach got bruschetta chicken tacos. Then we got fried potatoes on a stick with cheddar/garlic/parmesian flavoring [you get to pic] and we got hot apple empanadas.

I dunno where you all live but besides Rutgers University there are no food trucks near me so it was good. I liked my stuff. Teach wasn't crazy about her taco.

And on Sunday I went to a craved pumpkin display with Shauna.

I'm glad that my 2 kid-less friends had time for me this weekend. I needed some fun and to stop moping about being broke.

Of course after all the fun that weekend I'm broke LOL

On the work front - did I mention my director got fired. It's weird - I haven't talked much about it. It seems that I came at a time of a huge overhaul in the company. And the director I new was only like 3 months into the job when I came along. And the 2 people under her have been at the school longer but for some reason they didn't want the director position.

Taking on being a director is a big deal and I feel like the school was kinda hard on her for being so new. Some of the staff didn't like her either because they thought she was robotic emotionally and not organized.

I think she was a nice person and maybe just needed more time but she was fired and now one of the people with seniority in the office is now the director - which is OK. I like this person too. Still feel bad for the old director though.

Anyway tomorrow I'm supposed to have a meeting with the director and assistant director to talk about maybe taking on more responsibilities since the staff s shifting around and I'm really going to try to express how much I'd like my full time hours back - esp if they plan on giving me more work.

I don't mind the work and I love the school I just need the full time hours for the $$.

And the WIll's job front - he got the new job!!!! He starts Monday - which is like ... pretty fast. I'm used to offices where you have to give 2 weeks notice but I guess trucking isn't like that .

We're happy because supposedly this job pays more, is safer and he's home on weekends. We're HOPING it's all as good as it sounds.

Will's old company was sorry to lose him and said he's welcome back if this new job turns out NOT to be as good as it sounds.

I'm on my period. It sucks but this is a good month - some months the cramps are practically unbearable. The cramps are definitely uncomfortable but not as unbearable as they have been other months.

I actually feel like as I get older my cramps have gotten worse. I'm sure my worsening health as I get older has something to do with that.

On the kids front. I'm getting more and more used to maybe not having kids. I feel like I WANT kids but not with a man who can't handle it. We're broke, it's gonna take forever to get out of it and even if I didn't have debt I'm not making as much as I would like to if I were going to have a kid or kids.

And I know lots of people get by on whatever salary they make and have kids without being millionaires but I don't want my kids to be a burden or a struggle.

It just may not be for me this lifetime.

But who knows. Maybe if this school grows and I get more hours and raises and pay off my debt and get one more cruise vacation under my belt. Maybe after all that - if my body allows - maybe I'll be ready then.

I'm so much of a planner that it's no good for me. In work and in life, planning ahead, being organized, works well. But when I can see or plan a feasible, logical future with kids I just can't bring myself to do it - even though it probably would work out in the end. Things always do.

OH and it other news. I signed Teach up on a dating website. She was kinda adverse to dating online but she wanted to find someone and I said I'd make a profile, sign her up, talk to guys, find a good one for her and THEN when I deemed him a good guy maybe they could trade numbers and she could take over talking to him and doing the actual dating.

She agreed to this. I told Will this but I guess he wasn't listening back like 2 weeks ago when I told him. Cause when I was telling him about it this weekend he got mad!!

He made it seem like I was "talking" to guys. First off - these guys were not for me, they were not anyone I was attracted to and I was not talking to them as 'myself' I was answering as teach would. I was telling them what 'Teach' liked to do for fun and what 'Teach' prefers in a man. There was no 'me' at all.

Anyway - I had to get off and make Teach take over but she likes the guy I choose and they are talking via the website but it's very slow going. I hope they actually 'date' soon. Cause that's what she wants. To go out, have fun, and date.

She's still talking to - and hooking up with - her ex but since they're not really 'together' she doesn't seen anything wrong with online dating one guy and hooking up with another.

Her life.

SO... ummm ... otherwise. I dunno if I mentioned all about my sis and her hubby and their problems stemming from him attempting to cheat on her on some sex-buddy site. As far as we know he didn't go through with it but now they're in counseling for it and when I ask her about it she says they're relationship is still rocky but they both are trying to make eachother happy and be together.

It's weird because besides the cheating there were other things about her hubby she didn't like - like his temper and controlling-ness and his introverted-ness BUT this is the man he was when she met him. I'm not saying he shouldbe allowed to be a hot head and controlling but I feel like she's trying to change the man she married and it's hard but she says he is trying to be more who she wants.

Someone more flexible and who communicates his feelings more openly. That's who she needs him to be and that's what the therapy is for.

But it's almost like .... I'm a cry baby and I go silent when angry. Those are things I've ALWAYS been. So if WIll decided to tell me to go to therapy to stop crying and to be more outspoken when I'm angry or he's gonna divorce me. I'd want to try, I guess, to save the marriage but it's very hard to change those deep seated kind of characteristics in a person.

I wonder what's gonna happen with them long term. I mean 25 years long term. Will they make it? Should they?

I'm excited about tomorrow. It's my mom's birthday and we're going out to dinner. My sis is coming - I haven't seen her in a while. She's a good time.

OH and also ... I just wanna record that - me and the 2 girls left in the office had kind of a moment today. I'm still new - only 3 months in and though they're always nice I still kinda feel like 'the new girl'. And at one point this afternoon we just got the giggles for no goddamn reason where everything and nothing was so funny we were laughing so hard we were tearing up and could barely speak.

It was just a moment where you feel like you fit in. And it's nice.

OH and Teach is still working there. She can never be 100 % pleased but it's cool to see my best friend everyday.

OK - I'm out.