I Want You To Play With My Ding-A-Ling in Hello

Yup, been up over 24 hours again.
Insomnia sucks.
Phone says it’s 18F out.

I really wanted to drink the loneliness away last night. After I wrote yesterday’s entry I got lost in thought, yet again, about previous relationships. I’d like to blame depression or borderline personality disorder or ADHD but the truth of the matter is I was a really terrible person for quite a while. As I said in the last entry, I was able to make amends to a lot of people, it doesn’t take away my memories.

Hell, I even did shitty things to Peacock. Stole a bunch of her pain pills. Lied about my drinking.

I’ve tried hard to change my behavior and mend my ways. Not having any substances around me allows clear thinking. I wouldn’t cheat. I wouldn’t steal drugs as I have no desire to do them (other than weed, that is.) The alcohol cravings is few and far between these days.

I just want to be a better version of myself.
I don’t want to fall back into old habits no matter how, “lonely,” I feel.
Pretty sure I need a distraction.

Last updated January 21, 2024