I was going to write more often, right? in Not All Who Wander Are Lost

After being gone for two whole weeks Adam came home and had an entire week of vacation. Well, entire week besides all the texts and phone calls he kept getting from work but whatever. It was really nice though, I got to leave for work a bit earlier than usual and then Adam finished getting the girls ready and took them to school. He picked up E, too, so she wouldn’t have to go to daycare so we won’t have to PAY for daycare for that week. So that was awesome.

Friday we got a dumpster. We just have . . . So much shit. Like I have no idea how this much stuff ended up in our house. But we cleaned out the garage, basement and front porch, got rid of a couple of couches and the bigger computer desk. I didn’t think we’d fill that huge dumpster but we DID AND I AM VERY HAPPY. I invited everyone over for dinner on Tuesday so we could celebrate. Plus Adam is gone for two more weeks and I’m lonely. sigh I mean, it sucks, I hate that he’s gone, but I have to admit the checks are FAT once it’s over, not to mention the per diem we get in between. Money is nice. Money is so nice. Paying off credit cards is nice. We are down to one with about $5K on it and then one with a mere $250 on it. We’ve sort of been busting our asses trying to get this all done and sorted with and it sucked for a long while but we’re finally coming out if it. So yaaay for that.

Friday EVENING was Mystee’s birthday party. It was at Poco, my favorite restaurant, and I baked three kinds of cupcakes for her (pumpkin spice with dark chocolate ganache, apple spice with brown sugar buttercream, and vanilla bean.) The party was just amazing, SO MANY PEOPLE but it’s been forever since Adam and I have gotten to hang out and Matt, Jo, and Heather were there, plus Trevor’s parents (whom I adore) and a few other people I know through Mystee. Jo and I were completely tipsy on sangria and we were supposed to go out bowling after, just the four of us, but we ended up being the last people to leave and it was, you know, 10:30 and we had kids to get home to. ;) So Adam and I picked up the kids, went home and had really long, kinky sex and it was oh my god so good and way overdue (besides being gone for two weeks I got a really bad cold on Monday and was all stuffy and snotty and not much up for sexy times. But this more than made up for it.)

So, my last entry . . . While nearly all the responses were supportive and positive (Especially the private notes. Thank you for sharing.), I did have one dude (I’m assuming it was a dude, but honestly I have no idea) who just basically . . . I don’t even know. I don’t know! Like . . . Guh. Basically told me my experience was not my experience and seriously BLAMED me for it and, you know I kept thinking, this dude has no idea what he is talking about but then I was like, well, maybe he has a point and I seriously had this MOMENT of doubting myself. And it was brief but it was powerful because no one has ever said those things to me when I’ve shared my story and I thought . . . Oh my god, THIS is why women don’t speak up about their experiences. Because of assholes like this who question, trivialize, and invalidate them. Because of assholes who say “Oh that? THAT isn’t rape. THIS is rape.” Never mind that I was a minor and he’d been emotionally manipulating me for months. Never mind that I asked to go out for pizza and he took me to a hotel instead. Never mind that he never asked me if I wanted to do this. Never mind that he took off my shirt and I started crying. On what fucking planet is crying a sure sign of consent?

It was upsetting, I’m not going to lie. It was upsetting to deal with that at 33, I can’t IMAGINE how me at 16, 17, etc, still fresh and raw from the whole thing, would have reacted to someone speaking to me like that. And I know I didn’t go into that much detail about that part of our relationship because that’s not what I wanted that entry to be about. I don’t know. Sometimes when I write here I forget I’m not in my little bubble from OD that I was in. I think the only time I ever got negative notes on OD was when I surprise wrote that entry about Steubenville and rape culture.

Aaaanyway. Enough of that. I’m glad I told my story, and I’m glad it resonated with some people, and that is worth it.

For now, I think I am going to go to Kroger and find something for the kids and me to eat for dinner, and then hopefully read my new book (The Farm) and get to bed at a decent hour. A bientot!

+min