First, I want to establish clearly that I stand against the idea that you cannot share pornographic images on prosebox.
See? You think I’m kidding but I’m not.
For the record: have I EVER shared a “pornographic” image, either here or on OD?
(Answer: No.)
But on a site that doesn’t promote censorship and is catered to adults should allow just about anything, and that “anything” should include adult content. I have no interest in reading that, YOU may not have any interest, but it should be allowed.
/end soapbox rant.
That isn’t the reason I came here; frankly, the stupid “agree to the TOS” was jolting, and here I am trying to blog more frequently. Thanks for disturbing my groove.
More than a few people have comment about Chelsea and Joshua and how they are “like twins”.
Not in that ethereal, “understanding each other’s thoughts” kind of way, because I can assure you that will never happen.
Chelsea and Joshua don’t really like each other. They fight.
A LOT.
Chelsea would have been thrilled to remain an only child, and Joshua can’t understand why Chelsea is how she is and why you have to ignore about 96% of what she says.
Over the almost two years that Josh has been with us, we have seen such amazing progress out of him. Most of his documented special needs in Bulgaria have been dismissed by the competent doctors here in the USA. He is not “moderately mentally delayed (or retarded)”. He does not have a heart murmur. His eyesight is generally good. He is no longer malnourished, though he is very undersized. (5th percentile in everything - even now).
He is a child who is delayed in speech (significantly), delayed in other areas of development (to a greater degree than Chelsea was) and who is emotionally volatile and unsettled. But beyond that…
he’s a typical kid.
This has come more to light in the last 9 or so months. As he’s moved beyond that “baby stage” and gotten closer and closer to his chronological age, it is more and more obvious how close in age they truly are.
Chelsea is a “young” five year old, and Joshua is approaching a more typical 4 year old. The gap is closing. As it does, my hands are more and more full; breaking up frequent arguments, trying to give them each enough time, and focus enough on their school work.
There was never a surprise in their ages; we knew how old Joshua was when we adopted him. He is six months (almost to the day) younger than Chelsea. One of our concerns was that he would attend kindergarten with her; something we did not want. But when we saw his birthday was at the end of November, we knew he would miss the cut off. They need to be separated.
THEY ARE NOT TWINS.
But two children six months apart....the comparisons are drawn. And for those that know our story, the whispers begin. They are often well-meaning. “Isn’t it wonderful that you adopted Joshua,” I have been told. “You got your twins after all!”
Oh.
I cannot tell you how that cuts through me, to the point that I feel tears burning even typing it.
Can I blame anyone who says that?
I guess not.
We WILLINGLY adopted our son. We knew his age and we knew Chelsea’s age too. This wasn’t a surprise. We have done all we can to separate them and keep them uniquely their own people. Joshua is still developmentally as well as chronologically younger. We wanted this boy so badly, and adopting a very young child in international adoption is nearly impossible now. Based on the countries we qualified for, Bulgaria was the best choice. And unless we were prepared to accept very complicated special needs, this little boy was about as young as we were going to get. We could have waited for another child, but we wanted HIM.
So why not assume that we were “seeking” twins? We were preparing to parent twins, right? But they died. So now we have “twins anyway”, don’t we?
Even I have been guilty a time or two; when I am frazzled and they are barking at each other incessantly, grabbing for the same exact toy…sometimes I might mutter, “Goddammit, it’s like having twins!”
But I don’t know what it is like to have twins, because my twins died.
And even though my children are close in age - in the adoption world, they are called “artificial twins” because they are not biological but ARE close in age - and even though it may feel that way....
they are not twins.
I did not seek twins.
I could never seek twins because the only twins I ever wanted are resting forever in the ground. I will never see them again this side of heaven.
They are gone.
They cannot be replaced. I did not replace them when I adopted my son.
I know how it looks, but in my heart…what I know with my whole being is that there will never, ever, ever be twins.
I will never parent twins, because they died.
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