Digging through the past in Diary

I didn’t end up making it to Old Navy today for clothes shopping, unfortunately. I should have gone, but after I got back from my dad’s house I was too worn out to do anything. Going through all my old shelves, drawers, and clothes took more out of me than I expected. Lots of old memories resurfaced as I came across old pictures and an old CD my ex made for me that had, “To my betrothed” written on it. Yeah, that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to see. But whatever. I’m over her. It just makes me depressed to realize what I almost had, but let go because I couldn’t find enough motivation to make something of myself.

Now, my motivation is there, driven partially by necessity, but I do have, if not a fire in my belly, at least a persistent spark. The writing project has been helpful in keeping that spark alive. Even though I don’t know what I’m doing, and even though I have so much rewriting to do it’s ridiculous, I want to finish what I started, and then make it better.

The first half of my writing went well, today. Then I went to my dad’s, and when I came back to finish my writing, I was pretty depressed. So that part of the writing wasn’t so great. I got it done, though, at least, such as it is. Tomorrow I’m going to have to wake up at 10am in order to get my writing done before I go to work. That means I should be in bed by 2am but for sure no later than 3am. I guess that’s not so bad. Who knows if the writing will go better or worse with the pressure of time. I suppose if worse comes to worst and I don’t meet my quota, I can finish when I get back from work.

I’m going to try to figure out some of the insurance information at work, tomorrow, so I can make an appointment with a dentist. I decided I’m going to see the same dentist I saw years ago when I went to the dentist last. He’s the one who did my root canal. If I can’t find what I’m looking for, or if I don’t have a good chance to ask about the dental insurance, I’ll just make an appointment anyway and go in. I’ll let the dentist know my situation, that I’ll have insurance at the beginning of October, but that I don’t have any now, and hopefully he’ll be able to work something out with me. When I do go in to see him, I am going to get the gas for sure. I like it. :D I don’t really need it, as I’m not the type to get too nervous at the dentist, but since it’s there…why not. One thing I remember is the machine beeps at you when you breathe in the gas too deeply.

My story is kind of bumming me out at the moment. I just wish I knew what I was doing. At least I know some of what I want to happen. Not that I know how to write it. But anyway.

I didn’t get much of any reading done today. Basically I read nothing. Usually I try to get at least something read, if for no other reason than to feed my creativity, or lack thereof. And now it’s late enough that I don’t feel like doing it anymore. Plus, I’m still a little depressed. I’ll get over it. I’m going to have a few shots of whiskey. That will at least put my mind in a different place, a different perspective. Of course, I won’t drink too much because I have to go to work tomorrow, not to mention I need to get some writing done. I have a feeling that this new job will help me quit drinking sooner than later, since I refuse to go to work hungover, and I’m working until 11:30 at night this whole month. So good times.

Take care, everyone.