It Ain't My Fault It's Six O' Clock In The Morning in Hello

I don’t want to dream anymore. Now rehab is creeping into my subconscious. Plus other oddities. I keep finding myself stranded in different areas in town and I’m having to hoof it on foot. They vary from dream to dream. Sometimes I’m being chased. Sometimes I’m looking for something. Sometimes I’m in the city. Sometimes I’m in the country.

I’d really like to burn down the house I keep dreaming of. So many bad memories. Oh! Or be able to remove my memories like in Harry Potter! Get rid of some core memories like in Inside Out. Except Bing Bong. Yeah, I cried at that part. I’m still a man.

Been feeling not exactly lonely tonight. More of a longing. Lily and Smoke have kept me with cuddle company but since I’m not poisoning myself I’ve been thinking. I’ve made my amends to the people who have deserved it. There are a few more but I’ve not seen them in years upon years plus. I could look them up but do I really want to rehash the past?

I’d like to apologize to Jennifer but that was me at 19 and she did keep threatening me with other guys. Still, after we broke up I continued to use her for sex and manipulate her feelings towards me to keep her on a short leash. Last I saw her was when Eric and I went to see Zombieland. Her and the guy she married after I knowing for like a month were there in matching football jerseys. 🙄

Speaking of Eric, my so called best friend, I haven’t seen him face to face in years and back in March…April??? He completely stopped replying to my texts. Twenty plus years of friendship gone like that. I want to say I’m hurt or mad but no. Just really disappointed. Life is strange. I’ve got Mike but Eric and I did a lot more crazy stuff. A lot of urban exploration and driving around. Mike is morbidly obese and huffs and puffs when moving around. I’m not shaming him at all! Just Eric and I were a lot more active outdoors.

I’ve been lost in thought tonight, not even really paying attention to the video game or podcasts I was listening to. 6:39 AM and I have no widdle test today. I’d really like to get in a few puffs in on the vape but I can’t. Heh, Smokey just hopped in my lap. He knows I need comfort. I’m going to make something to eat after while and try to sleep some. It’s gray out and raining. Perfect mood weather.

Perfect mood song.

Last updated December 09, 2023