It's Not Just Me in Current Events

Is it just me or is everybody depressed?

Yesterday, I was reading other PB entries and it seemed like everybody got hit with depression. It came out of nowhere for me. I was lying on the couch wondering what it would take to make it disappear. I had 99 things that I wanted to do and napping depression off wasn’t one of them.

The nap wasn’t happening and I didn’t want to let the depression win so I made myself a cup of coffee and it gave me the energy to do a deep clean of a few things around the apartment. Like taking apart the inside of the dishwasher and cleaning all of the components. It’s disgusting in there guys. The depression went away after I got my hit of dopamine from that bit of productivity. I let myself lay on the couch and stream shows and movies for hours and hours. Sense8, the Doctor Who special, and that Spiderman movie. I did not do any of those 99 things and I started to feel depressed after I realized I self-sabotaged.

I feel like I’m a slave to my body. It uses dopamine to manipulate me. To make me self-sabotage. It doesn’t want me to create changes. It wants to stay in control and it wants me to believe that I will be safe if I just don’t do anything. Stick to the devil we know. Stick with predictability. Cleaning the apartment is at least productive vs destructive.

I do have to shake things up. I’m not going to the gym today. It will burn through all of my energy and I will come home and crash. I have 99 problems and they are my priority. I am getting anxious just thinking about it but I got to put on my big girl pants. I got to do what I got to do. Think what I got to think. No self-sabotaging. I can go to the gym as a reward, I suppose. Delay gratification. I need to go on a dopamine detox.

My favourite time of year is on the way. I love that New Year New Me energy. Mars exalts in Capricorn so I suppose that is why. My wheel of misfortune is half Capricorn and half Scorpio. My North Node is in the 12th house, the house of self-sabotage. The South Node lands in the 6th house, the house of routine. The house of health and wellness. I already have a stellium in that house. A Scorpio stellium to boot. It’s hard out here for a pimp.

My cup of coffee is done, on with it then.

Last updated December 03, 2023