Sunday. in Since OD is shutting down....

My brother came and got us around noon yesterday and then brought us home about 5am. My daughter slept until about 1 this afternoon and I’ve been up since around 11. I made ham and cheese crossants and we are just getting ready for her bath. My brother’s girlfriend went to bed around 2 am and then we just talked about stuff.

He was showing me messages from BD where he was basically upset that he didn’t get the clout he wanted for the Christmas gifts he got her last year and talked about how I was evil. My brother is absolutely floored about how he just doesn’t think he should have to pay anything. I talked about how great it was that he was finally getting it. I guess he was telling my brother how him and the girlfriend are basically homeless and they were trying to get a place. Well, I’ve looked on her Facebook and she’s still where she’s always lived.

My brother was talking about how I should just let them take her once a week for an hour. I said he needs to be consistent and they will NEVER be taking her will nill ever again. I said he can see her consistently at school if he chooses but since they smoke in the car when they have her and I am done trying to be communicative with either one of them, I just don’t think that’s a good situation for my daughter to be in.

I just feel that he likes being a deadbeat and refuses to help take care of her whatsoever but then thinks he should just get to take her whenever he wants and everything is to go his way. Well, that’s not going to happen. I don’t trust either of them and because I never got an explanation for all the stuff she told me when they took her before, I don’t want to feel that I’m putting my daughter in a potentially unsafe situation with people who obviously shouldn’t have her. We talked about the whole gummy thing and my brother said that I should have specifically told them she wasn’t to get them but I figured they would have known that or had enough common sense to say something to me about it first.

It’s like he doesn’t care that he’s made a complete mess of this situation and we are all to forget about it and keep giving him more chances to abandon her. My brother thinks that I should let him do it so she knows that disappointment and will eventually not care about him anymore. She’s already at that point, I just don’t think we need to keep pouring more salt on that wound. Since she told me he came to see her, she hasn’t said anything more about it. I would maybe understand a little if she was asking about him or wanted to see him but she doesn’t.

I agree with a lot of the things my brother said last night and I fully get his vision with all this but I also know what’s happened all along and I just don’t want to keep setting my kid up for an inconsistent Dad who refuses to help raise her at all. I even said that he’s looking at this from the wrong angle. I don’t bother him, I don’t ask him to see her and I don’t ask for money. I don’t know what more this guy wants other than to use my daughter to manipulate his girlfriend. He’s always trying to hurt someone and he will stop at nothing until he gets what he wants. Well, that’s fine but he can leave my child out of it.

It’s pretty ridiculous for him to check out for 3 months again and then it’s like once he decides he wants to see her, he’s entitled to breeze in again, create problems and then roll back out. The guy still sees everything as my fault. He’s just this perpetual victim and I’m beyond over it. He sees all this the way he decides to and there’s nothing you can do to change that. He’s hell bent that he’s going to use my child to manipulate someone. He knows he can’t use her to get at me the way he wants so he wants to use her to get at someone else. He sees his child as nothing more than a manipulation tool.

My brother is going to take my kid to school in the morning and I’m going to call my caseworker and see what they can do to help with my car. Tomorrow will be a week since it broke down and Tuesday will be a week since it’s been at the stop. I was told either tomorrow or Tuesday they would be able to look at it but who knows. I’m just ready to have my car back. It’s been a long few days and I’m ready for this nightmare to be behind me. I need to be able to get around and do things. I’m still very angry that it had to break down before the holiday and we’ve been stuck at home for days. It was nice to go over to my brother’s house and hang out because we definitely needed to get out of the house but I want to be able to decide when and how long we go places too.

I’m just so ready for it to be tomorrow and hopefully start figuring out the car situation. I just want to know how much it’s going to cost and when I can plan to have it back. I get that the shop is busy but I hope they understand I can’t just go without my car for too long. I think I’ve handled this pretty well but I need some good things to happen this week before my mental health takes a serious dive.

My brother wanted to ask if I could use my Mom’s car but that wouldn’t be a possibility. My Dad wouldn’t let that go on whatsoever. He thinks everything they have belongs to him and I remember last year when we were walking for a week and there was zero help from them. He’s just a really selfish, evil person and I won’t even waste my energy asking anymore. I just hope that there comes a day where they might need my help and I plan to give them exactly what they’ve given me. I’m pissed about how much they’ve used me and drained my bank account my entire life and then when I need help they don’t care unless it’s benefitting them.

My daughter and I are doing okay. I know she’s glad to have school tomorrow. She told me she’s worried about the car but I told her to let me worry about that. We’ll get it back soon and everything will be okay.

It’s cold and I’m glad it’s getting close to bedtime. I’m going to shower in a bit and hope for positive things to happen this week. I’m going to manifest it. I remember how I used to be sick to my stomach when my car would break down and find myself hiding in corners to cry my eyes out and I didn’t do any of that this time. I can’t believe that it’s been a week but hopefully I’ll have it soon.