Ramblings/Rumblings in Current Events

I’m in my self-sabotage era. I had a mini shopping spree right after complaining about my spending habits. I want to grow my wardrobe so I am committing myself to purchasing one article of clothing a paycheck. I was aiming to buy a new pair of jeans as I only have one and what I ended up getting was a pair of boots, two sweaters and a pair of sweatpants.

I shop at T.J.Maxx stores, Winners & Marshalls, so I’m at least getting good deals. I only spent about $200. The boots I wear for winter are hideous. They are vile and profane. They’re giving Am I Even Gay? Vibes. Venus rules my chart, I’m a Taurus rising and should be dressed for the Gods. I feel like I let myself go over the last several years. Ever since the spiritual awakening, for lack of a better term. My journey was inward and now I am expanding outward again. As I used to say, if you can’t put your best foot forward put on your best shoe. This is a long paragraph to justify buying a nice pair of shoes.

I purged my wardrobe of clothes that no longer fit. They barely fit to begin with but I’m aiming for comfort now. I am working on my drip… is that what kids call it these days? My swag, my style. Whatever.

I was talking to my roommate about Vikki. I was at that cabin last weekend and I mentioned how she was like a little suckup toward me. Toni, my roommate, made it make sense. I’m on the spiritual journey she wants to be on. That’s her image. Basically, I don’t know how to people. She just looks up to me. I must be queen b material.

I went to the gym yesterday evening with Alex & Bruce. I talked Bruce into joining me alone tomorrow morning. She told me that she fought with her fiance right before they left to meet up with me at the gym. Bruce wanted to commit to the time she said we would go and Alex would not be rushed (Capricorn vs Leo). I was late anyway. I’m trying to get Bruce alone for no good reason. I don’t think it is healthy to be that attached to someone. To be so joined at the hip. Just that 5-minute interaction with me without her fiance being close enough to hear, she got to vent. Alex said, while we were at the cabin, that she should just go with me on the weekends so that she can sleep in.

My word, I really am in heat. While I was at the gym, there were a lot of guys wearing compression shirts. First of all, I’m resentful that they can wear those without looking pregnant like me. I’m so over the bloating.

My big day off is not 100% the way I said it would be. It’s a me-day though. I did my self-care routine. My paws and claws. Soaked in the tub, did that enema, and now I’m writing on PB. I’m going to have a movie night at my sister’s later. We will watch Elementals with her kids. I won’t drink, I’ll just bring my CBD oil. I’m still fasting but I will break that fast, or not, when I make them all dinner. I’m just making a vegan gnocchi soup. It’s basically the one from Olive Garden but a freak-of-nature version. I’m bringing her an extra pack of gnocchi and a loaf of polenta. She’s never really had either. Also, I’m giving her the rest of my boxed wine. I don’t want wine in the apartment.

I really do like the CBD oil. I bought my own yesterday. I only had the samples my friend gave me. Hers are in capsule made of gelatin so I had to puncture them and squirt the oil out into my drink so that I could avoid the gelatin. Hers is a lot stronger than the one I bought. My roommate says it gets her high. I don’t know what high is and I don’t wanna know. I just feel like I have a headache except it doesn’t hurt. It just kind of hums. I like it. Then I get hungry and stupid and eat 30 spring rolls and wreck my gut for a week…

Yesterday at work, my supervisor got me to do a group coaching session with the team. It was on the spot and I was nervous but I did good. I got them to understand the steel and what to look for when doing service, in regards to safety. My supervisor made sure they understood their boundaries with it, in terms of it being up to the store to fix. She has offered to help them out once so I can see that she is reasonable. They failed to support that process so we didn’t fix that issue.

Why am I rambling? I don’t know. I shall go lay down and be useless for a few hours. After I felt that sweet surrender of giving up on life, even though it’s just for a day, I started to feel depressed. Just a little bit. I can tell that my pysche needs some attention. What does that look like? It’s me laying in bed for a whole day only my mind is racing lightyear a minute. Blah!

Oh! My roommate told me to check out the band The Viagra Boys and they were just what I thought, TRASH. Okay, if I ignore the lyrics its not awful. They have a song about people like me who use their own discernment. I really do make people insecure. Why don’t you believe in my science? My news? Baaaah Baaaaah. They use narcissist tactics to try and silence people like me but we persevere. However, they reminded me of a band I used to like way back when. They were also a little political. Whateva.

Last updated November 04, 2023