Despite The Minor Win in Hello
- Oct. 20, 2023, 9:27 p.m.
- |
- Public
I’m so depressed tonight. Just talked with Mom for forty minutes face to face. I don’t know what’s wrong. Dad died on Oct. 25th 1999. If that’s what’s bothering me? I know I wished him alive just to talk yesterday. But even that would have been pointless. By the time my brother’s hit puberty he challenged them both to a fist fight for copping an attitude
I remember at 14, freshman year of high school. The one bedroom apartment where I slept on the couch.
He literally opened the door and challenged me to a fist fight. A 48 year old man. I laughed in his fucking face at how insecure of his displaced fatherly dominance. I remember crying later on and telling him to go to hell.
I know now I’d fuck him up bad…
This took a very dark turn.
Why did I want his advice again?
Therapy doesn’t know this.
When I mentioned it to mom, of course she doesn’t remember.
She was there
She talked my dad down
She was the one who told my dad to leave me alone after I told him to go to Hell.
What is this insanity that I live in?
Last updated October 20, 2023
❤️vee ⋅ October 20, 2023
hugs
Asenath Waite ⋅ October 21, 2023
All humans are hardwired to love, respect, and model themselves after thier parents. Neurology that you have no control over is why. Your therapist would've learned all about it in college psychology, just like I did, and I only got my associate's. He or she is a kind of shitty sounding therapist. You should talk through it with a better one, explore the kind of father you would be to your younger self, that sort of thing.
J.E. Asenath Waite ⋅ October 21, 2023
The therapist doesn't know because I haven't talked about it.
Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ October 21, 2023
:(