Closing that door in 2023 the year I recover

  • Oct. 19, 2023, 11:20 p.m.
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I wasn’t going to do it. I wanted to stay friends but I can’t. Not anymore. I decided to be nice and call him back on Saturday. He never answered. I told him I will not be contacting him again until Monday, and I didn’t. Then I call on Monday and he doesn’t answer. Ok whatever. I try another time or two, just to keep me company because I was stuck in traffic. He does call me back and then starts asking me where I was and why. Which in itself isn’t a big deal but I knew the next question would have been with who and I was with no one but myself. And truthfully it is none of his business. I told him as much. He hung up on me. Said I was being rude. I sent a text saying I don’t have to answer his questions. I haven’t answered a call since. I was with my companion when he called once, I asked him if he wanted to answer and he said no. He keeps calling me, like daily. When I am at work. No. Just no. So I sent him a text saying I was happier without him and to please not contact me again. Then I blocked him. I am much happier without him and his bull shit.

Companion, that is what I will call my friend. I would do everything with him if I could. He’s taken me fishing and hunting so far. And I have enjoyed every moment of it. There are complications, of course. We work together. He’s sort of my boss. He is married. But if we are just companions it shouldn’t matter. I am scared to get attached. I don’t want to be attached to him. Something will happen if I get too attached. Like I’ll get another job not working with him. Wait that wouldn’t be bad, that would be good. I don’t even know where I fit in to his life. I guess I don’t want to hear the answer. If it went my way I would be so happy but it could always go the other way, where I am just there as a companion. I am happy with him though. He makes me smile. Thinking about him brought me out of my funk today. I avoided him at work until I was ready to leave my funk. Then just one thought and I was better again.

House stuff is still iffy. It sucks. Oh well.

Last updated November 09, 2023

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