Anger Issue in Current Events

He who makes a beast out of himself
Gets rid of the pain of being a man

After my previous entry I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I had so much energy and I ended up swinging in the air wishing I had a punching bag. Maybe I will join my roommate at her boxing gym after all.

Pardon my Carrie Bradshaw moment but… While I was working out I realized… I need to work in. Anger is one emotion that I do not navigate. That I do not explore. I was full of it when I was in my youth. Sure, I have a Scorpio Moon & Mars, but I experienced sexual trauma very young which probably explains a lot. I was eight years old when my mother put me in anger management. Not literally, just counselling but the focus was on how to control my temper. I was very violent.

I found a workaround. If I use words instead of actions, I can still hurt somebody. I can do it even better. Later I discovered a way that avoids a lot of conflict. I can just get into somebody’s head and plant a seed that can grow into something even darker. I’m a mental terrorist. It gets worse. I could do the same and influence everybody around a person and watch their world crumble without getting my hands dirty. Only revenge motivates me to do that. Unfortunately, I can’t hurt somebody without hurting myself. Empathy is a backstabbing bitch. A cock juggling thundercunt, really. If I ever had any wealth and influence I would just hire sociopaths to get things done because I can’t bear it (I’m a cause-and-effect kind of guy). I use my powers for good now.

I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
To this
True? Yes.
And I fortunately know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls

I have a lot of anger in me. I have a lot of things to be angry about. Are they valid? It doesn’t matter. I have it bottled up even tighter than sadness. It’s buried so far back that I forgot about it. I need to let it out and see what is all there. I should just try boxing and take my anger out there. Channel my inner Aries, which is intercepted in my chart. Blah! So is Libra…

After my shower, I saw how good my body looked in the mirror. I mean, it’s not amazing or anything but it was a pleasant surprise. I can see results. I couldn’t have just enjoyed that dopamine hit could I? I decided to lift up my hair and see how bad the hairline was doing. RIP self-esteem.

I’m sitting at my computer doing a castor oil wrap. I bought some organic kelp powder to add to my smoothies. The extra nodules in my thyroid are a sign of an iodine deficiency. So could be my lethargy. Among other things. I should just see a naturopath already. I want to find one that doesn’t play germ theory. This is another one of those I need time moments. I need to create some time.

Anyway! Just wanted to write some more while I drink my smoothie. I gotta cook and then do at least SOME studying, dang nabbit.