Whatever. in Since OD is shutting down....

So we’ve done breakfast and a snack. I want my daughter to eat lunch before she goes in a couple of hours. She’s definitely excited, I just wish the time would go faster.

I’ve told her that the after school thing is still being talked about but I haven’t told her that she’s gonna get to go. I am waiting for the call tomorrow before I tell her. She’s told me that she’s nervous but has been bugging since school started about being there.

I’m really sad for her that she doesn’t have kids to play with after school. I wish that all of this was better than it is. I’m just hoping as she gets older, she’ll start being able to have friends to hang out with on weekends.

I’ve started the laundry. I have to do it more frequently because a bunch of her underwear didn’t get returned over the Summer and I don’t have the money to get her more. I’m pretty annoyed that it’s just an added expense for her to go with her deadbeat. I’m seriously never allowing this crap again. It’s just ridiculous that her seeing him ends up in further financial strain for me because he doesn’t have any money to even buy her stuff when she’s on his clock. It’s just financial abuse on top of financial abuse.

I know that my daughter loves me but sometimes I just don’t feel like I’m enough. I know that she yearns for more. I just hope things get better soon. I just wish there was more people for her to hang out with and me too. We get really bored just the two of us but there’s nothing I can do about it.

I’m really hoping that this week is going to bring some really good news. I’m hoping she’ll get her spot after school, I’m going to find out when I can plan to see a paycheck, and my doctor makes it so I don’t have to be there as much. I just know that if there’s no talk about money this week, I’m going to quit showing up. I hate it there and it’s incredibly boring.

My daughter is back from their outing. She had a really good time and now she’s in the bath. I’m glad that she has at least one constant other than me. She really looks forward to going out to do things with her and I’m definitely grateful.

Sometimes I miss my old job and wish I could go back. I just want to feel like I matter. I miss feeling like I had a purpose and being good at my job. I miss having money. I miss the way I used to feel.