Hello Darkness My Old Friend in Current Events

My anxiety flared up yesterday while I was at work. I haven’t experienced anxiety in almost two months. Following that high is always a low. My depression usually follows it. That also happened at work. They are building the narrative for CON-19 again, that existential threat kept me up the other night. The pressure of the new responsibilities that my supervisor gave me was the straw that broke that camel’s back. It wasn’t a big deal, it just made me quiet. It was also impossible to hide the grimace on my face. I was barely able to cope with customers and there was a moment where I felt like I wanted to cry. I didn’t because I am a man and I am not allowed to have pain & fear.

When a customer sees somebody who looks like they work in the establishment, they turn their thinking caps off. They offload their thinking. They will no longer rub any brain cells together. Nobody knows how to do that anyway. We have all the signage available to direct them but once they see somebody that is busy doing something, they forget how to read. They will be standing in front of the shelf that has what they need and they cannot possibly keep looking. Excuse me, where is it is?! It is not my job to service people. My job is to service the products. This new location that I work at is absolutely menacing. Most of the people that shop there cannot read English. They can barely communicate what they need. I cannot do what I get paid to do because everybody wants to be useless. Some customers have actual questions but they can’t get help because everybody has to go on an epic adventure to drop a ring off at Mordor.

The only thing that got me through my shift yesterday was the fact that I was going to visit my sister and her kids. It had been a month. I had such a nice evening with them. I got to meet their new dog Loki. He is way more calm than Bobby but he is still a pup and is learning boundaries. My sister got so fed up with Bobby that she got a second dog to keep him occupied. It worked but he still refuses to listen to her commands so she got a shock collar. Probably cruel but she is desperate. She is not a dog person, her husband is. So far it appears to be working.

The girls wanted to visit our friend’s grave on her 20th anniversary of passing today. It was last minute and I wasn’t in the mood to be flexible, for once. I opted to spend time with the living and spend the morning with my niece and nephew. We had a lot of fun. We also did a Costco run. I shouldn’t have bought more plants but I bought more plants. I might drive out there this evening and leave some sweetgrass.

My stomach is not happy today. It might be from the wine last night. We watched the Book Club. It wasn’t a very good movie but whatever. I want to see the sequel.

I feel like I’m on the go today when I’m not. I feel as though absolutely everything must get done right the fuck now. Just some residual anxiety, perhaps. I feel like I need to go out and spend all of my paycheck today. I do not. I did invest in some gym clothes. I figured that just shorts and a T-shirt were sufficient the last time I went and it was not. Too much sweat. I felt like I needed a towel. I like GAIAM and I found two tanks and one T-shirt for dirt cheap. I don’t like the idea of being sleeveless but whatever. I want to find a hat that I can wear while I’m there. I’m being fussy about the fit. I haven’t found anything yet. I’ll be going there first thing tomorrow morning.

Anyway, I think that I will do some running around this afternoon. I am aiming to upload the rest of the astrology-themed blank journals on KDP. I haven’t looked to see if the other one was approved yet or not. If it was I am going to delete it and upload a different one so that I can have all 12 of them more uniformed. I forgot which font I used on the page that listed some fun facts about the sun sign. Tomorrow I am dedicating to my website. I’ll start my meal prep today as well. Whatever. Oh! I also have to go over those birth charts people asked me for. Maybe tonight. My energy is fleeting already. That’s on me though. I drank last night.

With the help of AI, I was thinking of dumbing down astrology. Astrology for dummies. I want to teach astrology on my website and podcast. I’ll sell a little manual on Kindle and KDP. I don’t want to go in-depth. I just want to stick to the surface. Just give people enough knowledge to get them person started on their own. I could use AI to write novels at this point as well and sell them on Kindle. AI is overpowered. I don’t think I will do that though.

Anyway, I have to shower and move on with my day.