Everyday I Live Here.... in Me Being Me

I just want to take a knife or a gun and either stab or kill the slumlord. And I don’t know if I should be crying or not. I can not understand how soemone can hate me so much and want to continue to abuse me everyday but not fixing things according to the law.
I did ask the rental people if a house was built in 1969 if it’s considered ols and fixing it would do no good. They told me as long as there are renters it needs to be fixed and maintained or I can report her. I have decided that she has till Christmas to fix everything or I will be reporting her to the city and to the rental people so she will be paying twice. is it a lot to ask for things to be fixed and does it really matter that I am not paying enough rent? The thing about the rent is she could have raided it about 8 or 9 times now but she hasn’t and I can onlly guess she doesn’t want to be in the next tax bracket. I can’t understand why somoen wouldn’t want to pay the taxes that they should and how much you have to pay shouldn’t matter. Taxes are what keeps a city and country running and having all the services to make like livable.
I would love to wake up every day and just think how wonderful this home is and how much I want to do my opart in keeping it clean. But it’s hard to keep clean when there is mold on the wood floors and in the bathroom and in the laundry room and the musty smell is just gross. I think my IBS contributed to the mold here because before I moved here I didn’t have any stomache issues and it all started when I moved here but I have had symptoms for about 2 or three years now. And also the stress of her abusing me and telling me that I will be evicted if I do this or that and that because this is her house she doesn’t have to do shit and of course there is the money that she won’t spend to fix things according to the industry standards.
Get this… The other day she was working on her truck and she left her dog inside and all the time she was outside the dog barked because she wasn’t there. it has seperation anxiety and I was sleeping and it woke me up so I went to see why the dog was barking and I asked her why the dog wasn’t outside with her and she said because the dog was inside. Stupid answer. Then I told her the reason I was asleep was because I am not feeling well because of my IBS and all she said was too bad I am sorry. But her being sorry doesn’t fix her behaviour or the dogs behaviour. I did ask her why she hasn’t stopped the dog from barking and she said she isn’t going to do anything because that is the way the dog communicates. Well I understand that but to be barking for two hours and longer? I call this abuse. And because of this I can report her to the rental people and she will have to fix the dog. And at one tome I told her that I am entitled to peace and quiet and she said my house I can do what I want and what you want or need doesn’t matter.
Everyday she treats me like this is everyday I want to take a knife and plunge it into her heart so she bleeds and sees what it feels like to be hurt. Why is it she can do what she wants and I can’t? Why is it I have to think about what I am doing and if I do it will I get eveicted? Me getting evicted is scaring me shitless because I know I have done nothing wrong and what I do ask for is very legitiment and she knows it has to get fiixed and she knows she will get into trouble by the governemnt.
But hubby said he will get things fixed. The thing I don’t get is why he isn’t on the same page as I am? he has told me that he has lived in much worse and so has his mother and brother. But I said that shouldn’t have happeend. And he said he didn’t want to rock the boat and get evicted so he just lived in a slumlords rental property. But then he didn’t know the laws or the rules. But now he does ebcause I have found out what they are and he still is afraid that we will get eveicted and whatever the reason we will be homeless. I just wish he has some balls and get what is needed done and then I might not be so frusturated and want to kill her or hurt her.
I should probally say that I would never ever hurt anyone even though they deserve it because I know the law and I don’t think anyone would put up my bail money so I just complain and look for solutions that oneday will actually work.

Onto something else....

Tomorrow my son will be here for dinner. I can hardly wait. We are going to have what I called paper steak and baked potatoes and carrotts. or frozen vegetables.

And I will be doing some domestic work today and hopefully not cry at the frustrations I am feeling. I just want to have the perfect home but so far I don’t and it doesn’t matter how well I clean I can still see everything that is wrong and I can hear it also.

Tonight’s dinner is going to be spagetti and meat sauce and I am not sure I will be eating because my stomache is having issues. So I need to wait and see how it will be by dinner time.

I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated August 26, 2023