yeah. in Since OD is shutting down....

We slept great last night and then picked up breakfast earlier. I busy watching my show and drinking coffee.

I think since I never did get a response then it’s safe to assume that at least most of what my daughter said was true. This has also happened before where I voice my concerns and get ignored so I’ll just remember all this for when he plans to see her again in 6 months and then deal with the abuse once he’s told no.

There’s a lot to be said about all this and I’ve been plenty of Tik Tok videos about this exact same thing. It’s just great how much these deadbeats can fuck up and then scream parental alienation. These people just absolutely refuse to see their wrong doing. I’m going to make sure that nothing like this happens again by making some type of arrangement where she isn’t going with them overnight or for more than a couple of hours. I am terrified that she’s not around safe, trustworthy adults.

I’m furious that every time I try to be somewhat trusting, I’m sorry for it later. It’s not a good feeling when you can’t trust your child’s Father. It’s probably the worst feeling in the world. But again, no one can say that I’ve been unfair and didn’t let him see her. This is yet another time where things weren’t okay for my child and another reminder why I’m never big on the guy being around.

I have a lot of regret for him ever seeing her. I wish it would have just been left alone by the time she was 6 months old because it would have saved me from him abusing me through my friend. I honestly believe that his presence is more toxic than his absence. I think about how much easier our lives are when there’s no contact with him. It makes me really upset to think about how this situation is never going to get better. I honestly hope after the text I sent yesterday that they just go away.

And no, I don’t believe it’s in my daughter’s best interest to be exposed to a house full of dog feces, outside with no supervision all day long, be given unspecified ‘gummies’ at night time, and being called a name that’s not hers. I am going to do what I need to do in order to protect my child by not allowing this again. I have always set my personal feelings aside so that my daughter’s happiness is the top priority but this isn’t healthy for her. As much as I want her to see him, I also have to make sure she’s around safe adults that are giving her the same love, care, attentiveness, and supervision that she gets here at home.

I have always wanted him to be a Dad and do the right thing for our child. He never has and never will. I fully accept that. I’m not going to accept this constant shit show for my daughter to deal with and me getting to have added worry. Until everyone around him starts to hold him in the same regard they hold me in he has no real reason to ever be an actual parent.

So we have a couple of days before school starts. I’m going to try and get my daughter to bed early the next 3 nights so she’s more prepared for school. She doesn’t stay up super late but later than she should so we’re going to work on that.

It’s pretty boring again today. Other than getting breakfast, we’re just hanging out at home. I’m going to make lunch soon and watch TV. My daughter is laying down in her room. I wish there was people for us to hang out with.

I know that it’s going to be nice for her to be back in school with friends and learning stuff but I also have that Mom guilt because she’s gone. It’s also hard because I don’t even trust people related to us with her and then I have to trust total strangers. School is a place I trust though. I have never had a bad feeling about school or the adults there.

It’s exhausting always being in survival mode and never wanting my kid to be with anyone because of my trust issues. It was never my plan to be a helicopter Mom but everyone has given me reasons to be that way. I struggle with getting ignored anytime I voice my concerns with my kid which makes me more closed off.