august 7 in idea barrages

Ms. Piggy flirtatiously raised the hem of her dress as she moved, not showing a whole lot, mind you, just a little peek at her oinkle.

I just saw an ad for a middle-of-the-road pop-country tour, where the acts were called “Sam Hunt” “Lily Rose” and “Brett Young” and I stand by my observation that all pop country acts sound like the names of low-to-mid-card WWF talent.

Cornea! The eyes have it!

I wonder if people are going to misuse the word “groomer” so badly that pet barbers are going to have to start calling their businesses “freedom spas”.

walks into a nature conservation meeting, dribbling a basketball, covered in sweatbands “I thought you said DUNKS Unlimited!”

83% of all facebook groups are now dedicated to spreading celebrity death hoaxes. Weirdly, considering all the terrible things that are done with social media, it’s kinda far from the worst case scenario.

The best name for a heavy metal album is “The Death Mask of The Burger King”.

The best name for an ocean cruise themed around death metal is, of course, “Carnival Corpse”.