Give and take in Dear John
- Aug. 20, 2014, 8:54 p.m.
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- Public
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Ideally, it's 50/50. Give and take, in equal measure. But real life isn't like that. You have a bad day at work, you go home and moan at your partner about it, they're giving and you're taking, the balance is uneven.
I feel like right now, John and my balance is tipped like 95/5 in favour of him taking. I know why that is, I know he doesn't want it to be like this, and I'm losing the plot with it all.
Who do you turn to when your sounding board, the first person you tell everything to, is so wrapped up in their own problems that they have no time for yours? I know how unwell john is. I know that the tablets are actually making him feel a little better in himself but they're making him so violently, physically sick, that it's hard to enjoy the benefit. I know that this usually subsides after a couple of weeks, but it's been 9 days and it's not improving, and all he can keep down is ritz crackers.
He said he feels as depressed as hell today, he's fed up of living off ritz crackers and throwing up. I feel as depressed as hell myself, what is it they say, misery loves company? I hate that when he feels unwell physically he wants to hide away. I know it's an only child thing, but I'm a nurse, taking care of people is what I do and I find it impossible to know what to do when he just wants to be quietly by himself.
I hope when all is said and done, and he's back on his feet, that he spares a minute to think about what this has done to me, how hard this has been for me. I miss him so much.
Xx
I need tea. ⋅ August 22, 2014