july 30 in idea barrages

“Wipe out your cities / re-draw your maps / everybody’s doin’ / the Bronze Age Collapse”. Please create a dance pop banger using this line as the focus of the chorus, let’s create the weirdest dance craze of all time.

I love it when a hipster is trying to look all country with that folksy hat and the downhome clothes but dude just looks like Torgo from MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE after getting his clothes drycleaned.

Punch, but you sub out rum for fireball whiskey and you call it CINNAMON TOAST PUNCH.

Look, let’s face it, if I DID win the lottery, I’d probably just spend half the money on massages. Like… straight up, four hours a day, seven days a week. Over one aggregate day of being massaged per week. Half as much as sleep. Half of every day, just massage and sleep.

And in the end, Funko Pops were Beanie Babies for people who wear fedoras unironically.

Your summer lower-wear is covered in pockets to store your army of attack snails. You are wearing your escargo shorts.

An actual Egyptologist complains about the ease of archeology and excavation in movies in a Dire Straits parody called “Mummy For Nothing”.

A video game about all the classic horror monsters as professional wrestlers called WRESTLEVANIA might get you sued by so many people at once that all the lawsuits would cancel each other out, but it’d still be a fun idea.