Why Do I do This to Myself in The Kid Used To Dream

I have been very conflicted lately about playing music in churches as a profession. In the South, if you don’t use your musical talent for God then you are sinning. On the other hand, I don’t see Drs, lawyers, chefs, teachers, factory workers or anyone else that makes a living devoting 100% of their talent to the church.

I do not like subsidizing my income depending upon the church. Don’t get me wrong - churches have taken good care of my family for a long time. BUT - that always came at a price. When to be there, what to sing, and other whims of devotion to leadership was always the underlying factor. I decided a few years ago that I would play for my local church but couldn’t be paid to do so.. that way they couldn’t control me - boy was I wrong… They found other ways.

I still went out and played for others but I would ask for compensation. That way I could manage my time and time needed spent with family. Even that has felt fundamentally wrong somehow to me. I want to provide music but I want people to want to participate and enjoy it .. and I don’t get that a lot with churches… I think sometimes the leaders invite us to play but for the most part a majority of the church goers doesn’t listen to Christian music enough to enjoy you messing up their service.

Today, I did something out of the norm. I took a booking at a church in the afternoon close to where I live. They may have been 20 people that stayed after lunch to listen. I also didn’t ask for anything just that they give us an offering. I could have made more sitting home playing the stock market and watching folks talking thru our 45 min set and knowing they are just wanting to leave made up my mind completely -

When the church decides to stop being so snarky, cheap, self centered and judgmental… I’ll share my gifts with them.. until then, I am going to slowly pull away and celebrate Jesus wherever I’m allowed to play. If the church wants me from now on they will pay the same as anyone else .. I can give to causes that are inspired by Holy Spirit and control my frustrations. If 20 people want to stay or feel held hostage… It’ll be because a church paid the equivalent of anywhere else. From now on - I will worship HIM but not from behind an instrument in front of people… For that - I will entertain the angels He sends to enjoy the music.