july 14 in idea barrages

  • July 13, 2023, 7:56 p.m.
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  • Public

  1. Driving home, I got on my nonsense again and started imagining a languid 1:35 AM blues bar version of the WKRP IN CINCINNATI theme song, like Donald Fagen “Nightfly” / Tom Waits “Small Change” style, but I’m singing in my terrible Bowie impression or my less-bad Leonard Cohen.

  2. (to the tune of “Taxman”) Yeah, I’m the Hatman, yeah I’m the Hatman and you took all that sleep-aid to see me… (Hatman in the corner) (Hatman by your feet) yeah, I’m the Hatman, yeah I’m the Hatman, you took too much diphenhydramine…

  3. A movie about Eminem’s underdog story attempting to represent the United States in the Winter Olympics called LUGE YOURSELF.

  4. Joe Walsh bargained with the devil for fame and the devil said “okay, but you’ll have to be associated with The Eagles for the rest of your life” and, like, he thought that sounded more than fair but… can you even imagine? He probably ended up wishing his soul went instead.

  5. If you’re going to start a company that sells steel-toed workboots, you may as well call that company “Steel Toad Workboots” and have the most adorable yet powerful mascot ever.

  6. If you can’t be a dreamboat, maybe you can be a gravyboat! That’s something!

  7. Gyms are like all the worst parts of high school. The stink, feelings of inadequacy, judgement, pointless fashion, leering, competitiveness. Except when we were in school, at least our parents tax dollars were paying for it, now if we wanna go to the gym, we gotta pay directly.

  8. Look, nuns, I’ll shed my habits for Lent if you also shed yours. It’s only fair.

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