I have been feeling so warm and fuzzy lately. I honestly don't think I have ever felt this loved before. Lou is such a good man. I love him so much and I am so very lucky to have him.
I still struggle with some issues related to him. My insecurities get the best of me some times. I worry that he is going to just wake up some day and decide he doesn't want any of this and fall back into his grief. I worry that he wants to be with other people after having been married for so long. It def bothers me that none of his people even know about me. I have never been to his place. He still uses a condom even though we are in a committed relationship. He has a lock on his phone. All of this bothers me... it feeds my insecurities.
When I am with him though he is so loving. He is so affectionate. He touches me a lot and doesn't even try to have sex most of the time. Emily even complains about how if he's not here, he calls every day. That is how I like it though. I like the daily contact. He is always here for me when I need him. He has a way of making my weaknesses look like my strengths. I remember Candy telling me that love is a verb. Love is action.
Lou has shown me so much love... more than anyone in my life. I finally decided to put my insecurities to the side and put my trust in him and in God. I actually read something about happy successful couples who do that... whenever in doubt about their loved one, they put their trust in them. Why not? Just because I have doubts it doesn't mean that I have to feed them. Why not just trust the man who is so very good to me, who has never given me any real reason to doubt him? The doubts I have could easily be the result of my own insecurities. He is so sweet. I really do believe that God sent him to me so that we could help each other.
I have never known another love like this. I hope we are together for a very long time! Thank you God for sending Lou to me!