flannel pride in 2014

10:58pm

So, I'm about six drinks in tonight. We went out to dinner and I had a couple drinks there, plus some delicious chocolate cake they gave me for my birthday! Then we went somewhere else for a happy hour thing and I had another couple drinks. Then home and a couple more. But really I'm only like one notch above [below?] sober. That's both disappointing and interesting. Mostly disappointing. I think those four drinks at the restaurant are about one regular one at home. ha. Nevermind. I didn't just admit that.

The cake was good though. I'd been craving a good piece of chocolate cake for a while. I don't make any at home because I know no one else will eat it and I can only handle like a piece or so. It was a surprise too. The girl mentioned bringing me cake when I gave her a birthday coupon, but I thought she was kidding. She ended up announcing to the entire place that I was turning 21. HAHA. I wish!

Then a few minutes later they called out Happy Birthday for another boy who was turning seven. He ended up walking by our table and Mom told him happy birthday. He looked all confused but said thank you and walked on. A little later I was looking at some trivia on the TV when I heard a small voice and turned around. The kid had walked by our table on his way back and asked my mom if it was her birthday. When she said it was mine he wished me a happy birthday and then went on his way. That was so sweet! I never in a million years would have expected that out of a kid his age. Especially since he was alone [the guys he was with were sitting at the table a few feet behind us] and he looked younger than 7. Those parents must be raising him right!

It's always a good time hanging out with my mom and aunt. They're crazy ladies and I feel so relaxed. Like I can just be myself and there isn't anything to hide or conceal. Not that I'm usually very good at hiding my crazy, but I am rather quiet and keep to myself.

Good thing we'd gone to Home Depot before I started drinking because there are always so many good lookers in there. And they were wearing flannel! [as I also happened to be wearing today!] One guy stopped over to ask if we needed any help as we were debating sand choices [working on the bricks in the courtyard this year]. He was apparently coming from break/lunch because he was still chewing on something. So it was really nice that he offered to help.

He ended up hauling out four bags of sand for us. They were up high and kind of difficult to reach on our own. And then when he was done he told us all about how we shouldn't feel that bad because the paint on the bags stick together and he always has difficulty getting them down. He'd struggled just the other day. I don't know if this was just a story or an actual event but it was nice of him to say. I said that it made me feel much better and he laughed. He must have seen the horror in my eyes when I had to let a man help me do something. Gosh that's an awful feeling when you're all independent and do-it-yourself like me. hah.

He was cute though, so he can pretty much do whatever he wants for me. ;-)

That sounded totally dirty. haha! Blame that one on the alcohol!

Another guy a few minutes later helped us choose which cement to use for fence posts and then loaded them on the cart as well. When he walked away I told Mom that I would shop there every day if I could get all these men to do everything for me like that. haha. I'll sacrifice my pride and everything. =]

The other guys were not as interesting. I think I smashed one guy's thumb when I moved a board but he wasn't paying attention. heh. And a solar guy tried to convince us to get solar panels. Got Mom to give him her address and everything. Silly lady. I think she felt bad for the guy. But when Mom asked about the advantages for our particular situation and price points another lady interrupted and started explaining how our bill was so low already that we wouldn't save much.

I could see the guy watching me throughout this whole conversation. Every time I looked up he was looking at me instead of Mom. I even saw out of the corner of my eye when he noticed that I was unintentionally mirroring him by standing in the same exact position. I really didn't mean to. It's how I normally stand. But I could tell he noticed. Poor guy must have been pissed when the other lady said they couldn't help us benefit at all and he lost the sale. But my confidence was soaring pretty high.

Must have been my lucky flannel shirt. I love this thing. haha.

In other news: I was kind of missing CK like crazy yesterday. As hard as I've been trying to push him out of my mind, it's just not happening. I know he won't randomly show up at the office anymore. We're only working two afternoons a week now. And if he actually took that new job, he'd be out of town Mon - Fri. So I totally see how it makes sense that our schedules don't align. But I can't seem to let go of that tiny little hope that he might appear at the door.

Every annoyingly loud truck catches my attention. It's all his fault too! He got me used to the weekly walk-bys and now I kinda can't figure out how to live without them.

I guess I want to know that he cares even just a little bit. Like one text message or something. I mean even Tony's still texting me randomly to ask about my day. And he's old, and almost married, and 2,000 miles away. What do I have to do to get Ck's attention? Because you can't honestly tell me that someone shows up at your office almost every single week for a year [and randomly throughout the previous year] without being even just a little bit interested? Why the heck else would he come by so often?

I mean, either that or he's totally been messing with me and I'm a fool for letting myself believe otherwise. Which is probably the case. But dammit, that's not cool!

And I know what you're thinking, but I have too much damn pride to send him any more text messages. I hate feeling like I'm always the one to initiate contact. That goes for him, or friends, or anyone in general. This is why I hardly touch my phone [and probably why I have hardly any friends as well...].

I'm better today though. If you're wondering. He's still on my mind and all that. And drinking obviously sparks the wanting to text bug even more [and new beer deals, and wanting to invite him over to hang, and meteor showers, and, and...], but I'm dealing with it. Life's not a one-way street. I'm only willing to meet you half-way right now. =\

So I'm just going to wander off and think about how excited I am for Seattle. I can tell Ryan's excited too. I hope we get to do lots of things and eat lots of foods. I also hope to spend a bunch of time with Marie even though she'll be on the verge of popping. =) And I want it to be like all the other times filled with fun and friends, and enough to keep my mind off of this whole situation back here. I need a break from it. It's kind of exhausting to have your mind occupied like this all the time. It'll be a much welcomed break. The rest will be dealt with when I get back home!

Bed time now.

rose.
11:43pm

p.s. I've gotta stop staying up so late!

Last updated August 12, 2014