So I talked to my lady over at CS today because I had a couple of questions. I told her that he had said something about quitting his job and she was going to send a wage verification. I’m not completely convinced that he has yet. I asked about him saying that he was ‘paying’ on his CS warrant and she said if that was true, the money would be collected from the county and I would get it. Lies yet again.
I also asked if he was going to end up gaining access to her SSN as I had to include it in the paperwork and she said no but for me to make sure the person doing the hearing knows that I don’t want him seeing it. He’s mentioned wanting it to claim her on taxes and even though he’s thousands behind, I don’t want it delaying my taxes and I just don’t want him having it for numerous reasons. He’s just too irresponsible and I don’t want to even think about what all he could end up doing with it.
So yeah, he’s lied even more. I personally believe him telling me that was either for pity or out of paranoia. I just really wish he would be about done lying at this point. I don’t even call him out on this shit anymore so I don’t see why he wastes his time compiling these lies. I’ve seen this being talked about on TT and it’s for control purposes but I don’t know what control you’d gain when people don’t even care enough to confront you anymore.
He messaged wanting to get her tomorrow and I said we need to plan for the weekend and he wanted me to explain why. Um, she has a bedtime and it’s too disruptive in the middle of the week. He doesn’t have to worry about her being tired and acting out at school, I do. Once I mentioned the weekend, I didn’t hear back and I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t want to worry about me possibly getting to be kid free for awhile and he doesn’t like anything infringing on his bar time. If he’s not working anymore, there’s no reason to disrupt her bedtime schedule when he could take her over the weekend. I made sure to include that the last day of school if Friday so I don’t have to be as worried about a routine.
I also would like to know what he plans to do once he runs out of money because then he’s not going to be able to take her to stuff and he’s not going to be over here seeing her. It’s just chaotic and problematic and I know better than to ever allow it again. I feel like it’s just added control being at my place and infringing on my space and time. He’s always pulled this shit where he’ll come and start a bunch of shit and then won’t leave. He’s done it multiple times and I just don’t feel comfortable with him at my place. Things have been going really well with us not being around each other and I’d like to keep it that way.
It’s pretty doubtful that he’ll take her over the weekend because all of this is just a fun game of control for him so if he did take her, that would be him releasing control. He likes it better when he thinks I’m just sitting at home waiting for her return. Again, this is why I’m all for us having a fucking court order because then maybe I’d get to have a life too. It’s just crazy that she’s almost 6 and he’s still not changed a fucking thing. I don’t know where he thinks it’s okay to just take her when he needs to look good for someone and not care if we have an actual schedule or not so should he ask to take her over the weekend, I’m going to tell him that I need to start having a couple day notice because I shouldn’t have my day tied up because he’s controlling or has to sleep all day.
I’d like there to be actual structure in this and if he doesn’t want to comply, I’m going to reiterate that’s why it would be beneficial to go to family court. I also think it’s bullshit that I’m just supposed to ignore the fact that he went 2 years without paying CS and how I can’t even afford childcare to get a job. He’s used to doing nothing so anything he does, it’s a big deal. Like him buying her a dress and swimsuit. Do you have any idea what I’ve spent taking care of her all these years bro?!!
But yeah, so my parents want to rehome their dog because they can’t handle him anymore. The dog is small and just the sweetest thing on Earth but my little brother punched him in the head multiple times and between him and my Dad constantly screaming and throwing shit around, I think the dog is just super stressed out and would do really well in a less stress home. I am pissed that they take no accountability for the dog being the way he is. He was completely fine when they got him up until a couple of months ago when my little brother beat the shit out of him so now they’ve decided he has to go. The blame is never on them.
My Mom said she had another interview today and was told, “we’ll call ya” which I don’t really know how much I believe that. She’s had several interviews in the past month and claim they’ve all said the same fucking thing. I doubt she really wants to work. I think it’s just stressful because my Dad is not working due to a car accident and I don’t believe he’s ever going back to work and it’s sad that they have 3 paychecks coming in every month and they still can’t make it. They own their house and their cars and still come up short all the fucking time.
I laugh about how she’s not allowed to babysit but she can get a job. My guess is babysitting doesn’t benefit him so that’s why it’s just not going to happen. I would personally love if she got a job and gave me money since she didn’t watch my kid last Summer so I could go to my disability appointments. I do feel that some of the blame is on her. Everyone has helped me be in the spot I’m in. It’s crazy how every time she’s had a job, she’s gone way more than when she babysits and he’s not threatening to tear up the house. If she’s at my brother’s place or mine, he’s drunk tearing up their fucking house. Nuts.
Their situation is beyond fucked. I seriously compare it to a cult because my Mom isn’t allowed a mind of her own. I don’t know how you would sit and tolerate having your spouse sit on top of you all day long, control your phone calls and keep your from everyone else and you just take anti depressants instead of standing up to him. I’ll take being single over that type of dumpster fire any day.
There’s no way my Mom is happy but she chooses this bullshit every fucking day of her life. I also think it’s bullshit that if I need help with my appointments, he has to be included. There’s no hanging around with her unless he’s present. It’s abuse. Control. Domestic Violence. I don’t know how the fuck you could live like this. Just like my Grandma, my Mom doesn’t know how to function without a man telling her what to do every second of the day. We lost a lot of years with my Grandma because of my Uncle and his crazy and it’s the same thing with my Mom but I think both my brother and I overall accept it now. There’s just no changing it.
I have never seen a bigger control freak in my life. Like the whole thing where she has to have every call on speakerphone where I’ve told her that she doesn’t get to have any privacy and whoever she’s talking to doesn’t get to have any either. The deal where if she’s on the phone too long, he finds some type of crisis so she has to hang up. Anytime she comes over to my house, he rushes her out the fucking door. I just think it’s crazy how you would spend your whole life devoted to keeping your spouse completely to yourself and making sure they aren’t ever alone with anyone. That’s abuse!
The funny thing is, I used to feel sorry for her. I spent a good portion of my adult life feeling bad that she worked like a dog to take care of him and omg he was such a fucking monster but the older I got, the more I realized she allowed him to abuse us kids simply by looking the other way. She knew he was a fucking creep but will still sit there and act like the warning signs weren’t there. She’s ALLOWED him the luxury to abuse each and every one us for 43 years, including herself so my sympathy doesn’t run very deep anymore.
When she left him 3 years ago, she saw everything perfectly clear. She understood completely why we all feel the way we do. She herself was sick of the control and just all the bullshit but decided to run right back. Yeah we can chalk it up to trauma bonded and whatever else but it’s not fair that the rest of us are still being affected by him!!