I feel like a waste of space in Maze of my mind

For a more than 2 years I have been smothered under depression and anxiety and I couldn’t seem to figure out anything for myself. A huge part in my mental health was played by my family,they looked after me but that was on the good days, on the bad days I couldn’t just go up to my mother and talk about how I was feeling, the dread and anxiety because she would be too tired to cater to my demands and then would snap at me, those were the bad days where they would say what they actually think of my burn out,I know I was slowly becoming a burden to them and everyone around me, I knew it and it only made me more miserable. Sometimes I wished I could just end up not breathing in the middle of then night but no I wanted to live. Live the life I dreamt about, I wasn’t working hard in my academics or waking up on time but the days I did I would be so happy, it felt better however I was too easily led into the same vicious cycle of anxiety and tiredness that I would do nothing at all on most of the days. It is still bad, but now I am going to be facing humiliation for my faults and action, maybe this would be the push I need to stop being a burden on others and start looking after myself. Maybe