I won't get another chance at this in Maze of my mind

This is one of those times when I sit down and think where did I go wrong? Where did everything go wrong? I try to remain optimistic and think positively it helps me in being productive but there’s only so much you can repeat back to yourself before you start getting tired of hearing those words in your subconscious. I don’t think I would ever be able to grasp what I truly lost, I would never know a better life, a brighter smile and head held high. I ashamed. Of myself.I used to be so good, with bright future, others put their love and time in me believing I would do great things, but here I am, unsure and bitter about myself. I don’t let it show,I can’t let it show because the moment I would show my remorse, fingers will be pointed back at me saying I told you so.So I swallow the lump of sadness again and again in front of my loved ones, because I can’t complain and cry in front of them since the only thing they will say is “I told you so” and “You brought it upon yourself” both of which is true