Errands. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I got my daughter to school and then went for my adjustment and got my medications. I’m glad to get that stuff done. I also mailed something that needed to be mailed by tomorrow so let’s hope it gets there in time.

It’s another hot day and it’s nice. I have to take the cat to get fixed tomorrow morning. It’s about an hour away so I gotta leave pretty much right after I take my kid to school but I have to get it done because I can’t have kittens. It’s not even my cat but no one has claimed her and she’s been outside bringing all the boys to the yard.

I ran around with my parents for awhile yesterday and got some things at the store. I don’t plan to really buy fast food over the weekend so we’ll see how that goes. My daughter is to hang out with her sister sometime this weekend that the circus is in town and I plan to take her probably Saturday.

There’s plenty of people on Facebook bitching that they can’t find a job and it’s because so many places are super picky and want people that have college degrees and for the dumbest jobs. Most places here still barely pay above minimum wage and say they’re hiring but don’t actually give people jobs so people are broke asking for food or housing and then of course people have negative things to say. Well, people still have to survive somehow! I saw a Tik Tok about a veteran saying that welfare should be just as hard to get as VA benefits. I disagree. No one told people to have kids just like no on told him to go into the military. People still have to feed their fucking kids and when people have a deadbeat for the other parent, it’s the kids who suffer the most.

I feel like there’s a lot of situations where people aren’t very compassionate because they haven’t gone through it for themselves. They also don’t look at the bigger picture. It’s like what about the Mom’s who have several kids and the Dad died? It’s that anyone’s fault?! It’s like the whole student loan forgiveness thing. My brother likes to go online and bitch about how that’s not fair to the taxpayers and all this shit but I promise you if he had student loans, he would be all for that shit being forgiven!

It’s like no one ever wants to put the blame where the blame is actually due. Whoever is raising children doesn’t get help from the other parent and can only make so much money so what are they supposed to do when they are running short to pay their bills and put food in their fridge? Would people be happy to see kids going hungry or living on the fucking street instead of the parents getting help? Everyone’s situation is different and you can’t just lump everyone into the same category. Everyone is doing the best they fucking can with what they have. Then they sit and bitch that taxpayers are paying for people to have free phones. Okay well they are also sending plenty to other places and the money would be spent somewhere and people would still have something to say.

Laziness isn’t always the reason why people get welfare. There’s plenty of single parents that have valid reasons why they need help with rent, food, utility bills and what not and it’s not always just because they WANT to be this way. I know I worked my life away for 7 years. My kid spent more time in a daycare than she ever did at home and then it shut down because of the pandemic and now I have a laundry list of health issues.

So I just watched a Tik Tok about this lady saying when are you going to figure it out? The guy has shown you what he is and what he is going to continue to be. Stop complaining. You know that it’s not going to change. It’s you and only you. It’s my job to be there for my daughter physically, emotionally, financially, and emotionally. I realize that I do need to quit complaining. No one cares about my hurt, or that he’s absent, or even how much he owes in CS. I think I sat around waiting for things to change long enough and that I have been pretty toxic in other people’s lives long enough with all of this and it’s time to let go. Let it all go.

I truly am sorry for how much I’ve been a mental drain on other people with my situation. I think it’s because I didn’t know how to handle my hurt and it quickly became anger. I think I need to deal with the hurt more than anything else. It’s never going to be okay that my daughter and I both are affected by his choices but I can’t sit and dwell on it anymore and I can’t be toxic to the people in my life because of it any longer. I think the next time I hear from his brother I’m going to apologize. I also feel bad that when he first messaged me last Summer I was super untrusting and defensive even when he made it clear that he feels the exact same way about him that I do.

It’s crazy how much this person has affected me and I can’t allow that anymore. I’m in a really good place and I want to start showing that. I really thought that maybe if people saw my hurt that it would seriously have a positive affect on things and he would care enough to change but it doesn’t like that.