Just had a really bad conversation with Alistair...
Alistair cheated on a girl when he was 18. It's one of the few things that I really don't like about him. I was cheated on with my first boyfriend and I promised myself that I would never be with someone who has cheated on someone or me. But he was young and he told the girl the same day because he really felt guilty about it.
But today he told me how when he was going to the store he saw a woman in her pajamas outside of her house and thought about having sex with her because he was really horny. Alistair is a guy who likes sex, a lot, and I've always been a little concerned in the back of my mind about if he can hold out not having sex with someone for an entire year. This just basically proves to me that he can't. We've been together less than 2 months and he's already thinking about fucking other girls that he finds attractive.
Then he asked me, that if around Christmas he gets really drunk and sleeps with someone else would I want him to tell me? Christmas is about the only time he get drunk, and he would be very susceptible with sleeping around if he was drunk, paired with the fact that he hasn't had sex for over a year. He's obviously thinking about it or he wouldn't have asked. He expects me to be able to forgive him for that, since it's just a one night stand and that it doesn't mean anything to him emotionally. That I should be able to forgive him.
I don't think I could. I love him very much. But I don't think I could forgive him for sleeping with someone else. I'm completely willing to be with him for a year, never want to be with anyone else, uproot my life and move across the world to be with him. And he can't wait 1 year without having sex with a stranger in order to be with me? I just...
I could always go out there in December after this semester of school. I could cut my calories down to 300 or so by having eggs in the morning and bowls of fruit for the rest of my meals (taking supplements to give myself the extra nutrients I need that I won't get in my diet) and do an extra 30 minute mid day exercise and try to double my weight loss in order to be with him sooner. The only thing that is keeping us apart is my self confidence anyway. And I'm pretty much not eating as it is because I'm not hungry during most of the day.
Update: Basically I told Alistair how I felt and he just kind of laughed at me and told me I was being ridiculous. He said that, he wasn't thinking about having sex with that particular woman. He thought about having sex with her for about 4 seconds, thought about what would happen if he walked up and asked if she fancied going in for a shag and thought she would slap him and then walked off. It wasn't an extensive session and that almost all guys will stop and look at a cute girl but the difference is a good guy won't go for it. I just am really uneducated with guys >.<
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