New Idea. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I might be absolutely crazy for this but I’ve been mulling over an idea for awhile and I want to share it to give some feedback. I’ve been seeing a lot of different videos on Tik Tok about parental alienation and I have definitely went about things the wrong way. I can blame it on reactive abuse and a list of things but I realize that I really want to go about things the absolute best way I can so I can show my daughter that I tried and just so that if we should ever go to court, I’m going to have the upper hand.

Blocking him on Facebook is alienation. Threatening legal action is alienation. I’m guilty of both of these things. I have done both just to make the abuse stop. I’ve grown sick of being called every name in the book, I’m tired of the threats, the intimidation and every conversation being the exact same torture. Reactive abuse is a real thing and all I’ve ever wanted is for my daughter and I to FEEL safe and the only way I have felt that can be accomplished to to cut off contact and make sure he understands that I am full prepared to get another protection order.

All I’ve ever wanted is for him to be a Dad. All he has ever wanted is to hurt me.

I realize now that I could have gone about things a better way but constantly being torn down with the name calling and being told I’m a bad Mom put me on the defense and I understand that the only way he’s ever know how to communicate is to belittle me and make things as miserable as possible because he knows I’ll only take so much and then block him.

So I’ve come up with an idea that might make some headway. I’ve thought about possibly unblocking him on Facebook but leaving him on silent in my archives because then my daughter won’t know we are in contact and because then I’m able to respond when I deem necessary. If he’s civil and stays that way than that’s what he’ll get in return. Once he becomes abusive, gets off topic, or starts blaming me for being a deadbeat Dad, then I block him and try again in 30 days.

I think the only way we might ever get anywhere is if I make it clear that I am going to stand firm on him respecting me and that he’s not going to just see his kid when it’s all his own way things might change. I refuse to allow him into my home or my car ever again. I want to be able to include him in school functions because then I don’t have to be around him and it may take away his comfort filling her head with lies because he’s in a public place with her where there’s other people that could potentially hear him.

He’s mentioned how he won’t get to see her unless he does what I say but he’s only ever seen her unless it’s completely on his terms. Well, I think if there’s actual structure in this and where the focus is ACTUALLY on her and he’s not able to have any access to me, he’s going to have to make the decision to either try or completely walk away.

My main issue is I want to be able to PROVE with screenshots that I have sent him invites to school functions so when he’s sitting there telling everyone how he’s not allowed to be a Dad and I keep him from her, I can prove otherwise. I want to make it to where he knows he’s lying out his ass when he’s telling people his false narrative.

I also think about the fact that no matter what I have ever done or said, he’s always made up his own narrative about this situation and that’s never going to change. I can promise I could show up on his doorstep with his daughter every fucking day and he’d still tell everyone that I’m keeping her from him. There’s been plenty of times I’ve asked him to come around and he chose not to. He keeps himself from her.

My friend called and I ran this idea by him and he said that he thinks I’m putting a lot of energy into nothing and that if he wants to see her than he needs to go through the courts. Sadly, I think he’s right. I know I’m not willing to take any more abuse for this person to ‘maybe’ see his kid and put up with everything by just the way he wants it. It just doesn’t work like that when there’s a child involved. I don’t get to be a Mom just when I want so it’s not cool that he thinks he should just be a Dad when he wants.

Even if he did show up for school functions, it would just be for him to take pictures for social media. I’m honestly so fucking sick of that. The whole picture thing is absolutely disgusting. He just exploits his own child for likes and puts on a show for people who don’t know the truth. I also think it’s disgusting how much I’ve tried with this person and it’s never helped. I’ve put forth the effort and all the work just for him to turn around and use it against me. I’ve tried a thousand times to set up visitation and he doesn’t show up. I’ve tried to arrange for him to see her at my brother’s house and that went nowhere. I’ve mentioned him seeing her at the visitation center where he’s said he’s not going to have people watching him interact with his child.

I believe I’ve done what I could do and we need to leave it where it’s at until the courts are involved. I do think there’s too much control on both sides for this to ever work and until we reach a place where he can handle talking to me without being abusive, we need to leave it where it’s at. My daughter and I do are doing just fine and I’d rather not risk rocking the fucking boat. NO matter what I have ever done or will do in the future, he’s going to continue with the narrative he’s created where he has no accountability.

The thought of unblocking him makes me physically sick. It’s absolutely stressful and makes my anxiety run through me like a freight train even considering having any interaction with him. I just don’t think I should have to deal with a very unhealthy, toxic person because I need to constantly prove that I’m the bigger person but I do want to show my daughter down the road that I tried. I want to make sure she knows that I wasn’t trying to stand in the way of her having a relationship with her Dad but I also think that if her having a relationship with him is going to make her act out in school and create problems in my household than it’s best that he stays away.

I haven’t spoke to him since November and I’m perfectly happy with that. I completely enjoy my peace and I like being able to solely focus on my daughter and myself. It’s nice not being mentally and emotionally abused or putting up with chaos, lies, and excuses. I used to think that I was never going to get to where I’m at now but I thank God that I have reached such a good place. I’m happy to not be focused on the hurt and pain like I was and I feel like a normal person. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get to me sometimes but even when it does, I can still have good judgment and know my daughter and I doing just fine.

I think he likes being able to say he’s not allowed to be a Dad and that I keep him away because then he doesn’t ever have to worry about being one. I have tried every approach under the fucking sun and we are still at ground zero. There is no point in sending an invite to a school function or having one more conversation because he’s not ready to change and that’s on him. I just can’t expel any more energy in trying to effectively communicate with him or even trying to get along with him.

I’m proud of myself for at least having this idea but I’m more proud that I don’t plan to follow through with it because it would just lead to more headaches.