silver lining in just testing

I totally forgot that with my birthday gift card in June I paid for July's cell bill - so I have some money to go grocery shopping.

Thing is, I figured that out at 8 pm so I'm not going now. I SHOULD but I'm just not.

I'm so lazy. I have to do things while I'm already out or that's it.

Work was work.

I think I told you my ex tried to add me on linkdin. I declined his invite and he invited again. Declined again.

Part of me though - I should accept, and tell him off for daring to contact me when last we talked he knew I was getting married. The balls on that guy!

But it really isn't necessary. Hopefully he'll get the points with 2 declines.

About the situation with my sister and her pets. She said she never wanted anyone of the pets. Her hubby kept bringing them home.

Not exactly true - the hedgehog she was present for and didn't stop him. The cat and fishe he brought home without asking and the lizard ended up on her doorstep.

Anyway, she really doesn't care. She didn't want them. She works, she's gonna have a baby. She doesn't want to be responsible for the hedgehog and lizard dying cause neither one of them remember to feed it with a new baby so she's gonna take her chances on a new owner.

I get that she feels she's doing the responsible thing. But really, the responsible thing would be to uphold the commitment you made to the being you have AND take on the new being you're inviting in.

The next best thing is giving them away to someone who will care for them.

And she did get all defensive saying if I cared so much - I should take them. And I considered it. But the reason I only have cats to begin with is because I'm comfortable taking care of them.

I didn't want a dog I wouldn't want to walk in the winter. I didn't get a lizard that eats live crickets that I would never want in my home - who also relies on a heat lamp. If the electricity goes out - it's a big deal for that lizard. And I didn't get a hedgehog that has to stay in a cage and can't be left alone for a week when I go on a cruise - my parents take care of the cats cause they've had cats too.

I didn't choose those other pets and don't foresee any situation where I'd have to give them up.

And I don't plan on taking her and changing my life cause she doesn't 'care' anymore.

And I told her that - I didn't take on these responsibilities in the past and I don't plan on it now.

Doesn't mean I won't guilt trip her about what's she's doing - but she can't be guilt tripped cause she doesn't really care.

Is that what happens when people have a baby - nothing else matters? I mean, I know that's kinda how it should be but then again... they have feelings too. They exist. It's not just a piece of furniture to put out on the curb when a baby comes.

I'm really kinda bothered by it all but I guess I should shut up since I'm not taking them.

Really, really bothered.

ANYWAY, um, period came.

Maybe that's why I cried last night about this animal thing and am on the brink now. Period makes me so fucking weepy.

Kinda annoyed that my period is falling on a weekend I'm supposed to go to the beach. I know people wear tampons and go to the beach but yuck, you know?

ACTUALLY my next thing to check off my list is birth control.

I have a whole list of things I need to do now that credit card is done. First was glasses. Next is getting back on depo. Then going to the dentist. Then I wanna get those Jackson Galazy Spirit Essenses for my skittish kitty valentine. I wanna see if these sprays make her more friendly.

The other cats kinda bother her - but it's because she's always running away and hissing and hiding. It's like, cat hierarchy, to pick on the weak one but if these sprays make her act less weak then they should stop.

She was a street cat - and some street cats are bossy and fiought their way for survival and others are scaredy cats that hid from everything to survive. She's a scaredy cat.

But also, sometimes when they try and play with her - she doesn't get it and runs and they think that's a game and run after her and she's not playing - she's pissed. Even when they attempt to groom her she hisses and hits. I want her to mesh along better here - so we'll see what these sprays do.

Then they all need check ups. I'm sure they're all fine but I haven't been keeping up with their yearly physicals like a good cat mommy should. They have all their shots, just not all up to date on regular yearly stuff. Luckily they're all young and fine.

Then I dunno.

Maybe finally some new clothes and shoes for me. But I really had hoped to buy clothes in like a size 18/16 - not a 22/24 which is prob where I am. I dunno, I haven't bought clothes in a WHILE.

It really sucks that purging was the only thing that really 'worked' yet I HAVE to stop because I'm gonna rot my teeth out.

And I don't mean stop like I'm doing it now. I'm not. But sometimes I go to a desperate place and really want to.

Ay yi yi

g'nite