I'm starting to obsess on Lou a little. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I do know that it is completely ridiculous though. He was just here this am. He is a good man. I love him. That is the problem.
It is always in the back of my mind that he could easily go backwards with the grieving. The one year anniversary of his wife's death is coming up in just a few short weeks and I'm starting to worry that he's backing off from me. We haven't had sex since last week. There is nothing wrong with that. It has been shark week for me lol so... but I have been done with it for a few days and I have been crazy horny. I have been telling him how much I want it. He has been here a few times since it ended but still nothing.
Now my insecurities are getting the best of me. I'm worried that he's thinking that all I want him for is sex. I'm worried that he's going to think I'm a tramp. I'm worried that I'm going to push him away because he's going to be struck with the grief monster very soon if he hasn't been hit with it already.
Last time we had sex, he kept saying he had to go... he had stuff to do with his kids. I kept playing with him though because I was so horny then too. He finally agreed to let me just take a little taste of him. When I did, he didn't push me away to soon. So I kept going. He was hard, I mean rock hard. He finally pulled his underwear back up though and I said ok. But then I asked if he wanted to take a shower. He basically couldn't resist, so we showered together and then when we came out, we fucked. It was great! But because of all that, he was really late for his daughter. Now he keeps telling me I'm dangerous. We haven't fucked since then.
We still talk every day and he still comes over though. I just really worry about him dumping me because of the grief. I worry about the combination of everything is going to hit him hard. I finally let myself fall for him beyond the initial fuzzy wuzzy stage of love. I fought that hard but I finally just let it go there. Now that I'm there... it would just suck if he pulled out now.
I just need to think positive thoughts.