Goodbye, little baby in My life
- April 11, 2023, 2:54 p.m.
- |
- Public
Goodbye, little baby.
We came for an ultrasound last week, which was supposed to be my 8th week of pregnancy. The doctor said that the size of you looked more like 6 weeks along and they couldn’t detect your heartbeat. We weren’t told to be alarmed or anything, just that we needed to come back next week for another ultrasound, which we did today. Our ultrasound technician said she observed the same as last week and there was still no heartbeat. Then we waited an hour and a half for the doctor (which was fine for me– I actually have always been fascinated by hospitals and clinics).
Then the doctor came and told us what she thought happened and what the next steps would be. I was reassured that it wasn’t anything we did but of course we already knew that. I was just so shocked because as I understood it, the odds were so low: I was only almost 30 and I was in good health.
I learned that a missed miscarriage is a miscarriage without any outwards sign, and detected only by ultrasound.
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/x1014493/what-is-a-missed-miscarriage
Since we’ve got no heartbeat, the Church deems surgical removal okay. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2636458/
We got two ultrasound photos of you. You look like a little bean asleep in a hat. I think I’ll write “Baby ____, 2023” on the back and we’ll keep the photos.
I’m typing this as I have calmed down from tears, so I am sorry I don’t know what else I could say. Daddy has been a champ. He lost you too but he has to be strong for both of us. I think I should try to be strong for him, too.
Goodbye, little baby. Until we meet again.
“Goodbye may seem forever
Farewell is like the end
But in my heart is a memory
And there you’ll always be”
JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ April 11, 2023
I am so very sorry. I lost my first baby in a very similar way. Same diagnosis. I ended up having 4 pills inserted vaginally and passed the baby that evening. But it was technically considered a "medicated abortion", which I didn't realize until years later. Which made me think about the term a lot differently. Be very gentle with yourself during this time. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. 🩷
sadandlonelygirl JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ April 13, 2023
Thank you so much for sharing <3 <3. I was actually pretty scared of all the options but I'm feeling better just hearing that someone has been through it and come out okay and thriving! So thank you and also for the kind words!! I'm probably going the medicine route as well. Too wimpy for a surgery.
I was given the options of medicine or D and C, which is a surgery. I also read that D and C is basically the same procedure used in abortion. I'm trying to think of it as that the difference is between whether the baby is alive or has passed away. Like burying a body-- same action but okay to do to a dead person but not to a living person.
I think your writings on abortion are very empathetic and thoughtful btw <3
JustSurviveSomehow sadandlonelygirl ⋅ April 13, 2023
It's a very difficult decision to make. I don't know if you're far enough along for genetic testing, but if you ask, you may be able to find out if baby was a boy or a girl. I wish I would've done that, but I didn't think of it at the time. Just something to maybe consider. Try not to focus too much on what it's "called". You do what you feel makes the best sense for your body, situation, and forget about the rest. 💜
sadandlonelygirl JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ April 21, 2023
That is really interesting to know that it makes sense I guess (regarding finding out the baby's gender)! I talked to my husband about it but in the end we just decided not to just because we were too lazy to take one more step and wondering about insurance and such. A website I read suggested naming the baby so I thought I could give it both a boy's and a girl's name. And then he suggested just going with a gender-neutral name. So now it's "Baby Jesse" :)
JustSurviveSomehow sadandlonelygirl ⋅ April 21, 2023
That is very sweet. I named my baby too. A girl, even though I didn't know what it was. I did the same thing honestly. I didn't know what it was called, I didn't have much support in that regard, and I was too emotionally exhausted to do one more thing with it. I hope that you are taking it easy and giving yourself some self care. 🩷
Deleted user ⋅ April 11, 2023
I'm so sorry to hear this.
sadandlonelygirl Deleted user ⋅ April 13, 2023
Thank you for all your kind words :')
A Pedestrian Wandering ⋅ April 29, 2023
I am so sorry to read this news (and to be so late in doing so). Until my daughter-in-law miscarried I really knew nothing about it, as a loss. And in their grieving, we grieved too, with and for them. It is a way of honoring the tiny life they and we will never know fully. May you all be held in the arms of Love.
sadandlonelygirl A Pedestrian Wandering ⋅ May 03, 2023 (edited May 03, 2023)
Edited
Thank you so much again for leaving your kind words and kind wishes!! Thank you for sharing your personal story too. I'm glad I decided to share my pregnancy. Now I feel like since people know about it, it feels more real than if it were just a memory of mine. A way to honoring the tiny life, for sure. Many women have opened up to me about their own miscarriage story since I shared (both here and in my life). Apparently it is very common but not talked about enough. Perhaps someday I could share my story to console someone too. That is a blessing :).
xiampoesravenx ⋅ May 06, 2023
Aww... hugs
sadandlonelygirl xiampoesravenx ⋅ May 06, 2023
Thank you very much! Hoping for our rainbow baby now :')
xiampoesravenx sadandlonelygirl ⋅ May 07, 2023
May you get he or she soon!!