Spring Break. in Since OD is shutting down....

So we got breakfast at McDonald’s yesterday, picked up my niece and went to an egg hunt. The kids got plenty of candy and then I took them to an event here in town for a couple of hours. My back was starting to hurt pretty good after about an hour but I stuck it out for as long as I could. It’s definitely not as bad as before where it made me feel like I’m going to throw up or black out, but it was enough to know that I would still not be able to handle a job where I’d be standing in the same spot for too long.

My niece spent the night and the kids are just watching tv and hanging out. I took my daughter to the dr this morning because she’s thrown up at night lately and has a rash on her back. She’s also had low appetite but the dr said it’s just from all the mucus build up and to let it run its course. I’m going to be glad when I get a break though today because I’m tired.

I was able to get my free drink from Starbucks yesterday and my free meal from Perkins yesterday and got to eat in peace so that was nice. The kids wanted to go swimming but I wasn’t going to take them because I was getting tired and my brother wasn’t about to be talked into it but maybe sometime this week we can do that.

It sucks that we sit around bored for days and then it just becomes full blown chaos. I wish there was ever a happy medium.

My friend has mentioned me coming to visit and getting a hotel room, which I’m sure is more for his own interest than my own. I could imagine getting there, him talking me into the most expensive room and then picking a big fight so I leave and then he and his boyfriend get to enjoy something that I paid for! I am just hypersensitive to people’s selfishness at this point and I just don’t think it’s soaked in yet that I’m not coming back. I still think about moving there but there’s no way I’m going to drive that far again and risk putting up with the same bullshit!

I just don’t know why I always manage to find people that treat me like shit and don’t care! I’m also sick of people making me feel unsafe and having to worry about their behavior around my child. After the way he treated me in front of my daughter last time, I will never relax around him again. I’m still pissed that him and his friend didn’t have any regard for the way they acted towards me in front of my child and even there own! I’ll be damned to ever put us in that position again. I know that I would love to go visit and think about moving there and actually plan for it but NOTHING ever goes the way it should any time I go there and I’m just not going to waste any more time or money to keep going through the same shit.

He likes to talk about how much money he has in his bank account so it’s like why don’t you come and visit me?! Or why don’t you offer to help cover my gas since it’s your idea for me to come visit? I just don’t get why he thinks I need to spend HOURS driving there and pay for our trip just so that he can control what’s going on every minute we are there and then cause a bunch of drama and then blame me for all of it! I deal with enough of that here without wasting my money and miles on my car so I’m not putting us in a position to deal with it again.

I’m very angry that this person lived off me for 6 months. Wouldn’t even buy groceries. Would have people over at 3am knowing I had to work a 12 hour shift the next morning. I had to call the cops to get him out. Kept my fucking house keys. Asked me to continue paying his car insurance after making it clear he didn’t plan to speak to me ever again. Has treated me like shit every single time I’ve came to visit and has NEVER APOLOGIZED! I truly believe that I’m just a magnet for shitty people. This is why I’d rather just stick to myself and not try to have friends because it just always ends up a big hassle and an expensive headache.

I just don’t think having friends should be an added expense. I also don’t think friendships should be all one sided where you do more for them than they would ever THINK to do for you. I also get pissed off when people always want me to put their needs and wants above everything else. I’ve told people that my responsibilities begin and end with my daughter. Once people ever worry about me having a sitter and a DD so I can go out and do what I want, I’ll start worrying about making them and their fun a priority too.

So I plan to spend the next week really thinking about trying to find a job within school hours or considering going back to school. I really don’t know if school is for me because no matter what, you always have assignments due and it’s stressful as shit. I would rather work because once you clock out, you are done for the day. I also want to plan on getting a tax check next year as well. I honestly need some guidance and some new input so I might post on Facebook about this and see what my ‘friends’ suggest. I gotta do something. I’m seriously sick of worrying about the future and stressing about money is worse than just working.