Dog, almost baby, shower, etc in Life

Well life has been pretty stressy, and I’m pretty tired again, so it’s been a while.

I’m only about a month away from having a baby! That’s wild. After my baby shower on Sunday, I was like okay that was the last thing, and now I have to give birth. Definitely don’t feel ready for that, but having a baby, feeling very ready for that. Esp now that I got some of the stuff I needed at the shower. I have some art to work on (hopefully this weekend) and then we can finish up his room.

My shower was very nice, my mom drove me crazy a lot beforehand but the day itself was nice and little one had a great time too. Seeing her excitement over the baby is so wonderful. Her mother told me that she is insisting on buying her own gift for the baby and wanted to bring over her soother from when she was a baby but it won’t work. She’s such a sweet girl, and I’m so proud of her everyday. I hope the baby only enriches her life. And I’m going to try very hard to still give her special time, and for us to keep doing things like we always do. My mother in law didn’t show up- she used cancer as an excuse to my sister in law ,and had been telling her for weeks she prob wouldn’t come, while telling me she felt like she had to be there. Then didn’t text me that day until that night and didn’t really say sorry. Made me feel a bit foolish for how out of my way I’ve been going for her since the cancer. Maybe she’s always low key going to dislike me.

But anyway great day, who cares about that! So many friends came to celebrate me, some work people, my dad’s family from PA. It was very nice. And I was so happy. Of course there were some tears, after everything I’ve been through, there were some really touching things people wrote in my cards. He is so loved already <3

As for dog, Moose, my older boy, had a malignant tumor removed a few weeks ago. I couldn’t even come here to vent, I just couldn’t handle it at all. He’s 13, so I know he’s old and we will lose him eventually but he’s so healthy and I just didn’t expect it to get serious so fast. He had a small growth in his anal gland, and they monitored for a month (apparently they told my mom to take him to a specialist the first time and she said “can we wait a month” and they said yes, and we should not have waited), sent to a specialist, had an appt where they said it was really serious, and scheduled surgery for two days later BUT he had to have scans first and if he had cancer in his body they wouldn’t do surgery. They removed it, they thought they got it all, but then we spoke with an oncologist who said based on the tumor profile, and not knowing if they really got it because it was close, it could come back in a few months. :( :( :( So he started chemo this week, my mom is driving me crazy just expecting him to be sick (most dogs don’t get sick from this chemo) and i’m nervous that he won’t handle it well too but not projecting on him. She is driving me crazy. And I can’t take him to my house because I’m not allowed near his saliva, urine or feces because of the pregnancy. I just hope that he can get through this so he can have a few more good years and hopefully just die of old age in our arms. i’ll never be ready though :(

baby is still measuring fine, and he turned head down as of my last appointment a few weeks ago, so if he has stayed that way, i won’t have to have an automatic c section. still worried he will get too big or i will go in labor early or something, and i have everything planned out so nice so i’m just not wanting any of that, esp any additional nicu risk because even though i know nj is good and that getting 18 weeks is great for the us, i just don’t want to give up a second of that time to the nicu taking away time that i can be adjusting to regular life with him. and we live an hour and 15 mins from the hospital so that’s going to be terrible if it comes to that.

Guess that’s all. Just getting increasingly uncomfortable growing this human.

I was trying to upload pics to imgur to share but it won’t work today, so I’ll have to post again, I suppose!