Sick. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my daughter told me yesterday when I was taking her to school that she had a sore throat. I gave her some medicine that I had in the car. I had forgotten about it and then picked her up from school where we got some food from the store and came home. She didn’t really eat her dinner and I noticed she was falling asleep sitting up on the couch and then I decided to check her forehead where she was burning up. I checked her temp and she was at 100.3. I told her it was okay for her to stay home today but she wanted to go so I took her to school. She seemed fine this morning but had red blotches on her neck and her head was itchy. The skin around her eyes were red as well.

I’m basically just sitting here waiting for the call to pick her up. She didn’t have a fever this morning but she didn’t look the best. I just feel bad taking her to school but she wanted to go. I guess they told the kids that if they don’t miss a lot of days they win a prize so that bothers me some.

So I call to reschedule my appointment where I’m put on hold and I hang up. It was super early and I’m trying to get my kid ready to go! I was also super grumpy because I was in a big hurry and then we go outside where I have to scrape the damn windows which just made me furious! I just HATE mornings especially when things happen differently then what I expected and I’m not woke up enough to deal with it all!!!

It’s just been another incredibly difficult morning. I’m trying to figure out what we are going to do all next week for Spring break. I’m definitely feeling a lot of anxiety and I have to remember to ask if my counseling can be over the phone because I won’t have a sitter and God forbid I ask my Mom to help out. I’m honestly getting so sick and tired of there being nobody to help with my kid outside of school that I could fucking puke.

My birthday is coming up and I’m sure I won’t get a moment to myself because I never do. Everyone will make absolutely sure of it. I’m not gonna sit around and stew on it because that’s not going to change the outcome but it’s bullshit how much I’ve watched my brother’s kid so they can go out for birthdays and different things but when they should do it for me, they just make sure they don’t. I just think it’s great that no one views me as an actual human being at all and all of this stays the same year after year, weekend after weekend!!

I’m really frustrated that no one gives a shit about us at all. I worry about what the future holds because I have no help outside of school whatsoever. I can’t even plan appointments unless it’s a school day. I even mentioned this to my Mom earlier and it completely goes over her head! I don’t think she could be any more disconnected than what she is! I get that my Dad and little brother have a lot to do with this shit but she’s ALLOWED it! I have so much hate and resentment for my Mother that it’s not even funny! She goes along with letting them control every fucking aspect of her life and there’s nothing said how that affects anyone else.

I would never be able to allow someone to run my life like this. I am so sick of it where I just want to start screaming but it wouldn’t change anything. Just like the other day, I know that if he wouldn’t have been involved, she wouldn’t have taken me to my appointment. It’s like she literally can’t function without him! I just don’t know how you could deal with completely giving up your whole self in order to be in a relationship. It’s fucking disgusting.

It’s at least sunny and warm today. The snow is melting. I literally can’t wait for Summer to get here because the seasonal depression hit me hard this year. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to entertain my daughter all next week since there’s no school. I’m excited to go get her because she wasn’t looking super well this morning and I hope she had a decent day. She’s really good at communicating except for when she’s sick and I’m worried she didn’t feel good all day but didn’t tell anyone.