giving up by opting in in Each Day

It has already been A Week. Not all bad, but not feeling great right now.

I had a session with my psych yesterday. We talked about how things have been and she actually listened. I told her about some reading I’d done about a specific ADHD med, and she was immediately on board. So I really didn’t need to outline how the make up of the med treats something potentially underlying my increased ADHD symptoms. But she agreed with my logic, and started looking into dosing.

Except, as it turns out, the company that handles our medical doesn’t allow that drug to be prescribed.

You know, when I joined this organization I was told that our medical was %100 coverage. It’s one of the so called PERKS of working for them.

So she prescribed something else. She did do the legwork to find out how much I would pay out of pocket, $90 a month or $255 for 3 months. And I did come to the conclusion that even at $90 a month, if this shit works, it will be WORTH IT.
So I’m going to try this back up med, and I told her if it doesn’t work in 30 days I’m paying out of pocket. I’m not fucking doing this minuscule dose increases for 6 months with no results shit anymore.

And then I saw my social worker today (not to mention my physiotherapist AND a civilian dentist but don’t let me get ahead of myself), and we talked about EMDR, and we’re looking into doing that in the coming weeks.
She said on a couple of occasions now that she finds it hard to follow our conversations because I bounce around so much. Welcome to my fucking brain. I told her today that if she wants to keep me on topic then she actually has to keep me on topic because I will railroad any conversation that I am in. So she said she was going to work harder on that. We’ll see.

And then this afternoon (after the physiotherapist and the dentist) they released our new pay scale and housing allowance. It’s pretty fucking insulting that the paper is running the story as “military expecting to save 30 million per year with targeted housing benefit for troops”. And then I sent this text to M “The problem of selling your soul for a decent wage and a pension is that you can’t complain to your friends who make slightly more than minimum wage when you get financially fucked over.”
We’re still doing better than the average Canadian, and at what cost. Meanwhile these piece of shit politicians get a pension after a single term, while raising our years of service from 20 to 25 (years ago, but so many people got fucked by that change, too).
I’m so tired of being angry at my employer. They’ve certainly lost the dedicated employee they had at the start. All of my work ethic has been drowned by their lies, their loopholes and the sheer volume of times answers to my questions has basically been, “ehh. Sucks to be you”.

My solution to this was to get very high and then I posted this on Facebook, “After today being A Total Day, I ate some weed.
Well, I’m definitely high. I just got startled by people walking through the background of a scene, and wondered how they got into the house. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Drugs are fun, kids 🤣🤣🤣”

Anyway, these last 24 or so hours have been noteworthy, so I thought them worthy of noting.

Last updated March 21, 2023