Annoyed AF! in Since OD is shutting down....

So, I went to counseling this morning. She said I should really write down the pros and cons of getting a job or going back to school. I think that’s a great idea. I talked about how I just still feel so burnt out after giving every bit of myself to my previous job and how I need to make sure that the next job understands that if I have to leave to go be a Mom that it’s not going to be a problem. I also think that I have become super selfish with my kid free time and I let so much end up on the back burner because I either didn’t have health insurance or not have a sitter that now, I’m going to make myself a priority and get things done.

I went to my weight loss appointment after counseling and it was a huge waste of time. The dr just went on and on about making healthy food choices and talked about fruit and vegetables. I started to cop an attitude after several minutes of not being able to get a word in edge wise and finally said there’s no point in me being here. I have left a message with my nurse asking if we could find a weight loss pill that would be covered with my insurance just to jump start my weight loss. I’m completely ready to get my ass to the gym and make sure to cut out fast food and sweets. I just need a little boost to get my motivation going.

It’s been a couple of days since I’ve heard from her and I’m honestly hoping the next text is her saying I’m done with the program. I know that if don’t show up you get sanctioned which means that you only get half your check and I definitely wouldn’t be willing to sit there for even less when I’m already not getting much at all anyways.

I’ve talked to my nurse and we moved up my appointment to next Wednesday so I can talk to my dr more about trying to find a medication to help with my weight loss. She talked about how they want to discuss the behavioral issues more because it’s a mental thing which I completely understand, I just want to get something to help me. I know I have a lot to deal with mentally and everything but I need some help to get things going.

I’ve spent so many years giving myself to my job and my daughter that now I HAVE to focus on me in the limited free time while she’s at school. My health is extremely important and it’s nice to be doing something about my chronic pain and I just feel me physically and mentally is really serious things for me to be working on because I’m all my daughter has and I can’t let anything happen to me. I just feel that I need to figure shit out on my own and do things in my own time. I want to get myself where I need to be physically and mentally so I can either get a job or go back to school.

Now that I have the chance to be working on myself, I’m taking it. I just want my daughter to have the best version of me possible and I do feel that I give her that every single day and to me, that’s more important than sitting in a room all week doing nothing but having more resentment for her Dad and bringing me down even further. I also don’t want to sit there as long as some of the other ones and the shit just ends up a crutch.

I’m going to get my daughter soon and hope things go well with this woman we are meeting. I’m excited for my kid but I don’t exactly know when they will hang out and everything so I’m not getting my hopes up too high.