We're gonna make it after alllllllllll in just testing

I've got the most complicated man on the planet.

Ok from beginning to end, here we go.

OH - I blocked that PrincessCupcake, what a nutter!

OK so I got up before Will, showered, did my hair, dressed and went through the laundry to only take MY clothes to wash at my mom's house.

I was ninja quiet through the whole thing cause I didn't wanna wake him but just as I was removing the laundry basket from the bedroom he woke up and asked where I was going. So I told him I'm doing laundry at my mom's and then watching fireworks at my sisters. I gave him a peck on the cheek. No matter what, I always give him a kiss in the morning when I leave just incase it's the last time I see him.

Then, to add fuel to the fire I texted him once I was in my car. Basically telling him *I'm only doing my clothes from now on because he doesn't appreciate all the different ways I'm 'there' for him when he refuses to be there for me *- explicitly meaning Sundays.

He didn't text back.

I did some errands and went to my parents to do laundry.

I left around 3pm to go to my sister's. Still no text from him. So I was on the beach watching amazing waves, thinking about the whole situation and I check my phone and he's written me an email saying that he spends every moment with me that he can but he can't give up Sundays. He does appreciate what I do for him and he wanted to spend time together till he had to go to work today and was disappointed I left so early. Then he goes on bashing himself, saying that *he knows I want more from him and he feels like a bad provider and husband.

I was still an uber bitch and simply said that *I didn't believe he NEEDS to work Sundays to make his bills so we will never agree on this topic. He leave me alone so much that I intend to start acting like an independent [not single] person and I won't think about his needs like he doesn't think about mine. So he can work 7 days a week for all I care cause I'm done begging for attention from my own husband.

Then he did the smartest thing ever; he wrote out his entire monthly income and bills.

Will was always saying he needs to work Sundays to pay his 'bills' but I didn't know specifically what 'bills' he had besides the regular rent, car insurance, cell phone, etc.

When he wrote it all out it reminded me that he just got dental work done and he still needs more done. He's still paying off the TV. He's still paying off my necklace.

He got himself in a bind. WHY he spent so much on my anniversary gift and this giant TV within the same month practically was bad financial planning on his part. But I can forgive that - esp. since I JUST paid off an $8000 credit card balance myself - and not all on my own. He's been helping me too, on top of all his other things.

When he laid out the numbers in black and white he finally proved to me that he DOES need the extra money on Sundays to make ends meet. I FINALLY get it.

So I texted him that* NOW I understand, that I loved him and we would talk when I got home.

When I guess I didn't realize is how much I need the FACTS laid out for me - which is I guess while I like writing. I write lists all the time, I write out goals, I write here, I'm always putting reminders in my calendars and leaving post it's for myself. And I will go line by line of someone's argument and disprove every piece - *when I think I'm right.

But Will was being very vague about his 'bills' - I don't think on purpose. I think he thinks in his arguments he explained himself very well but we have many miscommunications because I need details and facts and he's just not naturally that way. I mean, most of the time when he talks he doesn't even use people's names! He just like: this guy said and then the other guys said....

I finally get it and I'm OK with Sundays now because without them I can NOW see that he wouldn't be able to pay all his bills every month.

So after fun with my sister I come home close to 11pm and he's home. He got out early.

I go straight to him, hug him and apologize and he hugs me so tightly, sobbing like someone died!!!

But I guess it was relief because he told me he knew he was close to losing me. He felt me pulling away [I didn't want him touching me in bed, I didn't call / text as much / things I would put up on FB] and he didn't want that and he was trying his hardest to stay up till 5am to see me before I had to leave for work and he was spending every Saturday with me cause he knew he'd be gone Sunday. He knows he has only a little time and he was trying to give it to me and it wasn't enough and we would end up fighting but he couldn't give up Sundays or wouldn't be able to make his bills and he's been upset for weeks about it all cause he though he would lose me.

And I feel bad!!! I mean, I didn't understand the situation and I told him that I felt SO unappreciated and uncared for. I flat out told him in previous arguments that I was unhappy in the marriage and if things didn't change, divorce was our only option because I didn't want to stay in an unhappy marriage. But* I didn't know how much money your bills required and I thought you were just being greedy and pushing me aside because I'm always there for you and I was SO MAD and I wanted to Not be there for you since you didn't appreciate me* - or so I thought.

And he told me that *he would never put money, or anything else above me. That he loved me and loved spending time with me and he knows how much I love time with him but his bills are such right now that it hurt him financially every Sunday he didn't work.

So we worked it all out and he will work Sundays from now on. However much he wants.

I did tell him though, that now that my credit card is gone I can contribute to paying my half of our health care [which I had not been doing] and I can put more into our joint savings now and I can pay my half of the rent again with no help from him.

We have $2000 in our joint account and I plan on adding more from now on, he should pay off his bills and then rebuild our savings and we won't think about a cruise right now - not till his bills are paid.

He's so obsessed with being financially secure that he doesn't want to touch our joint account to pay his bills. I don't know if he will. Seeing our joint account go down really stresses him out and he wants to do this cruise for me. He doesn't want to take our 'cruise money' for his bills and then we can't recover the account in time to have enough money to go.

It's hard for him, when it comes to money.

So, that's where we're at.

He's gonna work Sundays BUT now that I have more money to spend on myself, I'm going to go OUT on Sundays with FRIENDS and enjoy my LIFE now. I used to hate Sundays cause he would work and I'd be stuck in the house cause I was broke but that's over and I won't be stuck in the house anymore moping.

There's still the sleep apnea test... I gotta convince him to get on this treadmill. Even If it's 10 minutes a day. He's gotta try. Cause we obviously can't afford a sleep apnea machine [that he won't use anyway].