What’s something that everyone else has but not you?
Weird, I read this as something that I have that no one else does, and I was like… my sister?
I honestly can’t think of how to answer this. I mean, there are things that lots of people have and few others do not… Fathers comes to mind. But I am not alone in anything.... none of us are, really.
What thing are you uninterested in that everyone else seems to be interested in?
The lives of celebrities.
People who have said “it’s not a phase” but it really wasn’t a phase and is still majorly a part of you and/or your life, what was the “phase”?
Being a goth. I mean, I don’t wear black lipstick anymore, but I still identify with the culture. I feel funny saying I’m a goth now, like I’m not “goth enough”, but nothing has changed in my head or my heart. M goes to the “Blunder Years” subreddit and there’s lots of goth, emo and scene kids making disparaging remarks about past-them… I feel no embarrassment about who I was then. It made me who I am now. And who I am now is still a goth.
What’s the stupidest thing that has ever happened to you at school?
Administration tried to suspend me for “having sex in the bathtub of a hotel room” while on a school trip. That wasn’t the reason they gave. They said it was because I had broken curfew. But I broke curfew with 4 other people and I was the only one being suspended. And I was the only one that someone started a rumour about me having sex in the bathtub of our hotel room. My parents were pissed. AT THE ADMINISTRATION. Hah. They did get some things right.
You have $10,000,000 for a new home. What is the MUST HAVE feature you will build?
An atrium, preferably with a (saltwater) pool in it. Then it will be nice and warm and humid for all of our tropical plants we’l have in there. Even M is on board with this pipe dream. He’d never leave.
You get to have a superpower, but it must be very minor (ability to summon fruits, ability to come up with the perfect comeback, etc); what is it?
ability to summon fruits isn’t a very minor super power, you could solve world hunger with that one.
Street lights change to green whenever I approach an intersection, in my favour, of course.
You just won a billion dollars, what are you still not buying?
A supercar. A mansion. Fancy shit.
I want to buy a hotel or an apartment building, and turn it into a co-op for low income housing. That’s the kind of extravagance I want to be known for. “She’s so rich she helped x number of people out of being unhoused!” That’s a legacy.
What’s something you hate but just can’t avoid?
The realities of who I work for.
What started as a joke but people take it way too seriously today?
Comedy? Punching down is easy. Punching up and making it funny is an art.
What’s something you once strongly believed, and now don’t believe at all?
I used to talk a lot about how one person can’t be someone’s everything. And while I recognize this is still factually true, I don’t feel it in my heart anymore. What M and I have fills so much more of my cup than it did, even 6 years ago…
What is your favourite smell?
Tomato greens. Burt’s Bees used to make a tomato greens toner and I would just open the bottle to sniff it. In a similar vein, if you cut into the stem of a philodendron erubescens (SPECIFICALLY) it has a similar astringent smell, that is also refreshing.
Also petrichor and vanilla.
What is something people hate you for, that you’ll never change?
I don’t know about hate, but I know a lot of people judge me and misunderstand me because I don’t mince words. Neuro-typicals love flowery language to disguise difficult or unfavourable subjects. Who fuckin has time for that? But telling it like it is is “rude” or “confrontational”. No, my dude, it’s facts. Get over yourself.
Granted, I’m never going to intentionally be blunt about something that will hurt another person, but sometimes impulsivity and carelessness (on part of my mind taking the time to find the right words) work against my best intentions. I know when I’ve fucked up, and I try to acknowledge it right away.
But is the thing happening at work the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard, and I know a better way? I’m gonna tell you all about it.
What’s your go to response when someone asks you “why are you so quiet?”
No one has ever asked me that. Hahahahahha
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I talk so much less these days. It’s a combination of lack of energy (I feel like the life got drained out of me in 2020 and now I barely have enough for daily life. Sometimes I think I’m done with depression, and then I realize things like this. My love for life is extremely conditional right now. So my go to response is probably, “I’m tired” or “My brain is literally empty”.
What do you miss the most about being young?
I have terrible interoception. I never noticed how bad it was until I met M, who is disturbingly (in my opinion, from my perspective) in touch with the sensations of his body.
The thing I miss most about being young is being as blind to my body as I was then. Now it’s all pain and nausea. No Thank You.
What’s something society should be more forgiving towards?
The differences between us. It is absolutely fucking absurd how just because someone doesn’t like something they will be judged as morally inferior or “wrong” or hated because of it. I’m not talking human rights, I’m talking, “My experience is x” “well my experience is y, so now it’s appropriate for me to threaten your life”. Fuck off with that. Just because you believe something doesn’t mean everyone else has to believe it just like you do.
What slang terms are a dead giveaway to where you are from?
I dunno about slang, but even as adults no one knows whether to say “congratulations” or “I’m sorry” when someone announces they’re pregnant.
Why aren’t you a blood donor?
HOW DID YOU KNOW? Jkjk. The first time I tried to donate it took me 45 minutes to get a pint. Three people went through the chair beside me in that time. The second time, many many years later, it went smoothly until I almost passed out in the chair. They had to pack me with ice packs and bring the juice and cookies to the donating area because I couldn’t move.
What toxic behaviour does society still make excuses for?
Misogyny. Racism. Trans/homo-phobia. I could go on.
What do you miss about the Covid lockdown period?
How much time M and I got to spend together. Working for a woman Commanding Officer.
What is the best answer to “do you know who my dad is”?
“No. Why would that matter?”
At what age did you stop winging it?
ummmmmm people stop winging it?
You wake up on January 1st, but the calendar says “2020”. What do you do?
Funny story, in real life, I got a haircut on March 12th.
I’d wait until March and ask to take all my investments out on/before March 13th. And then I’d put them back about 2 weeks (or whatever) later.
What is simply not worth paying a lot of money for?
Reputation. If someone is going to judge me because I can’t give a shit to buy branded things, then I guess that’s their problem.
What’s something you wish people knew about your disability or illness?
No matter how much you wish it to be true, you can’t motivate, nag or talk someone into be ing not-neurodivergent. Stop telling us to try harder. 90% of our struggle is internal, you have NO IDEA how hard life is, most of the time. If you’re annoyed at me and think I’m unaffected by my actions, believe me, I’m kicking the shit out of myself internally.
It’s incredible to me that I thought this was just HOW PEOPLE WERE, and that it was me that was the solo disaster. Engage the community, you’ll see how complex our symptoms, our work arounds and the burn out are.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions” what is a real life example of this?
Fighting with strangers on the internet (thinking specifically about the isms). No one wins. No one learns. You’re just dragging yourself down to their level.
What’s a huge red flag that’s been normalized?
most heteronormative courting practices.
What screams “this person peaked in high school” to you?
When someone talks about how amazing high school was and wishing they could go back. Like, that was over 20 years ago, you have found nothing of value since then?
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
Fear (of getting in trouble) and obligation?
What is used as an insult despite not actually being a bad thing?
any of the usual homophobic slurs. I particularly enjoy “cocksucker”, which of course is supposed to be used against men… but like, as someone who really enjoys the act, I just find it funny.
What are some awful things from the 80s, 90s, and 2000s everyone seems to not talk about?
I think the worst thing that I’m still boggled about is how much progress I thought women were making, when in reality we were making none at all. “Intersectionality” might have been coined in ‘89, but white (cis/het) women had the floor and they certainly weren’t talking about non-white issues, and we don’t get anywhere if we don’t go together. The biggest kick in the teeth came when I watched The Craft: Legacy. Watching that movie felt exactly like watching the original did in the 90’s, except it made my love of the original feel so gross and diminished. That movie is everything I wish the first one had been. All the power we thought we were gaining and wielding in the 90’s was just some reinforcing the patriarchy bullshit under the guise of empowerment. It grosses me out.
I am so impressed with the Gen Z’s who are just fucking up all the social norms. Because in reality there is no norm. There are no binaries. Everything is a spectrum.
And spectrum doesn’t mean what you think it means.