1 time! OV and homebound in Second 1st
- Feb. 17, 2023, 6:31 a.m.
I read through the entire physical diary that contained Randy last night. In the beginning, I was so in love. I made my choices with confidence and with a long-term life together in mind. Then Jim showed up, a year into the marriage and things started falling apart. Not that they weren’t already but that I had refused to see it. When I was at a particularly low day there is the only mention of Jake in the whole book. I would look at the date but I tucked it away again before I went to bed. I don’t want to wake Rocky to get it. He’ll be up soon enough. .... It said “I don’t want to be here, I want to be in MI with Destiny and Jake.” 5-17-2003..............10-2-2003 “Destiny is moving in in a couple of weeks”.... 5-25-04 she’s looking for apartments and near the end of the journal there is a big update entry 10-9-05 which says she’d moved back to MI and though it wasn’t the reason for the move her dad died of cancer.
Most of the diary is about me realizing and not tolerating mistreatment. It was a rough read, especially when there are patterns repeated in later relationships.... Ït’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”...... Feel really great about that.....
This morning I’m starting another physical diary. I’ll give a brief explanation of the last 18 years.... which in no way will be brief. Also, I totally know why I stopped.... much less stress on my hand to type lol. However, there should be a record of where I am mentally that’s not on the internet.
Today is day 5 of 70 of Operation Va Va Vroom. As a side note, I have to assess the car’s damage and repair costs. I plan on doing that Sunday morning. So far this week I’m at 441 which means 9 more till I meet the house needs + gas.... then $150 to my goal but if I stick with $100 a day I’ll have nearly $200 for the first week. Alternatively, I could attempt $159 today and take 2 days off.... I like the first one better though.
I’ve scheduled to start at 6:30 am over the weekend. An extra bit of sleep and work after I drop Rocky off to work. We will see how that goes. If I feel like I”m struggling to get that $100 I might go back to 4 am with a 45 min break to come to get him and take him in.
Jake told me yesterday that he might get to go home today. I hope he’s ready. I hate when he’s in the hospital. The phone situation was better this time. It was actual conversations and not 5 mins or less of check-in. I always feel guilty though that someone else wants the phone while I”m on it with Jake. For some reason, I don’t get good reception in the house from the hospital.... and end up in a specific spot on the back porch.
Okay, time to line up my things and stay out of Rocky’s way while he gets ready for work.