Spheres of in Journal

Influence and concern.
These have recently come to my attention as things I should be actively monitoring. This is an example of a major life changing piece of wisdom that every parent should be imparting unto their children. I’m angry my parents didn’t. It has meant that I wasted a lot of precious time and energy. I never understood the concept of not caring about things that I can’t control, or have zero influence over. But that was sort of the point, wasn’t it?
My parents are volatile, violent and narcissistic. They really enjoy concern when it’s about them. They really like attention. They love deferential obedience. They crave the anxious obsession that comes with the necessity of depending on them for everything. They desire the feeling of self importance as someone tries to know and untangle their desires, motivations and preferences.
So it does make sense that I would not have any clear idea about limiting my concern to spheres in which I have direct influence. That would be to directly challenge my parents wishes.

I think… It is a concrete law that once a person becomes a parent, or does anything to harm a child, they become absolutely immovable from their position. That has been my experience. There is nothing at all that will or perhaps can convince them that their choices that hurt a child wasn’t the only path available to them. They will defend that choice forever. No principle, or logic, or empathy, or sympathy or rational explanation will ever make a difference. There is a black, dark, and deepening mark on their conscious that they will not look at.
That’s why I think I’m done talking to parents. Unless they’re actively showing some kind of self awareness already. There’s just no point.